TIME FLIES WHEN YER HAVIN'...

This is my first post as a forty-six year young, I might be whinin' now, but I'm bound to get past it sooner or later! I was so busy complaining that I didn't get a b day card from my mom that I totally forgot about my little squirrel (see above). Yup, my mommy knows how much I love garden prizes, and she got me this little squirrel for my garden. When I start cleaning up my garden for the winter I will post all of the little buddies I have keeping my flowers company! If ya didn't think I was 'nuts' before, just wait until you see my garden babies!! So to alleviate just a little of the insanity that I call my life, here is today's Daily Reflection...

Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves to others. Alcoholcs Anonymous pg 159

These words for me, refer to a tranference of power, through which God, as I understand Him, enters my life. Through prayer and meditation, I open channels, then I establish and improve my conscious contact with God. Through action I then receive the power I need to maintain my sobriety each day. By maintaining my spiritual condition, by giving away what was so freely given to me, I am granted a daily reprieve.

I'm not sure if I want to share this now, but just last week I was faced with the dilemma of giving it away freely for myself and the new(er)comers versus resentments over the not-so-newcomers not being there for me. I know that I have absolutely no control over what other people do in their lives and it brought up some feelings when I attended my home group where only three members (myself included) showed up to run the meeting. There were two new comers there, and I know that it only takes two of us to run a meeting. My only problem was that the person who was schedualed to chair the meeting- and find the speaker- did not show up! It turned out ok though, as the Maven and I ran the meeting and made it an open discussion, which is all good. I was left with wondering though, what would happen if nobody showed up? Where would the still suffering alcoholics go to get what we got, so freely given? I know for me, when I recite the responsibility pledge, I take it seriously :

When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there, and for that, I am responsible.

So now I'll go to what I am grateful for today...

• that the hand of AA was there for me when I reached out for help
• that I am 46 and clean and sober
• it only takes two alcoholics to share their experience strength and hope, for it to be a meeting
• me and AAngel were invited out to dinner last night, with friends. Food always tastes better when eaten with love and laughter
• my new squirrel to put in my garden
• for all of you who share your experience, strength and hope with me and others...
  

KEEP COMING BACK, IT WORKS!

hAAlf nAAked Thursday

This is me hAAlf awAAke for HNT...to see more hAAlf nAAked fun click here... http://haalfnaakedthursday.blogspot.com/, and just so I don't scare ya too much, here are a couple more garden pics for your enjoyment...




If you can ignore the chain link fence and the toys from my neighbors yard, there is no place I'd rather be than in my garden! And to remind us all what the purpose of life is, here is todays Daily Reflection...

...our society has concluded that it has but one high mission- to carry the AA message to those who don't know there is a way out.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg. 131

The "light" to freedom shines bright on my fellow alcoholics as each one of us challenges the other to grow. The "Steps" to self-improvement have small beginnings, but each Step builds the "ladder" out of the pit of despair to new hope. Honesty becomes my tool to unfurl the "chains" which bound me. A sponsor, who is a caring listener, can help me to truly hear the message guiding me to freedom.
I ask God for the courage to live in such a way that the Fellowship may be a testimony to His favor. This mission frees me to share my gifts of wellness through a spirit of readiness to serve others.

Today I am grateful for the following...

• to see a new(er)comer pick up her thirty day chip
• that there were a lot of people willing to look at relapse prevention last night
• that day by day, I am becoming more well
• I have the patience to wait for my celebration a week after my sobriety date!
• that I am choosing to not eat junk for breakfast
• to be happy, not envious, for the good fortune of others
• today I am able to pay my bills
• another 24 hours of clean and sober living
• I am meeting with my new sponsor at the woman's group tonight
• for ALL of YOU...

Happy HNT everyone, choose to have a good day!

IT'S RAINING AGAIN!

Well, it is Sunday, and still rainin', but I am not all depressed and pissed off that if I go outside I will...
A) melt because I am so sweet
B) hafta freak 'cause my hair and rain don't get along well
C) stay indoors just because it's raining

I guess by MY standards, this all counts as progress!

• It is a good day though, despite the rain!
• My Angel is sleeping soundly in her bed.
• I have been up since 8:00 this morning and have managed to stalk all of my favorite people.
• I was asked to speak at a meeting tonight, and I am not nervous, 'cause I know He will put the words in my mouth
• plans for my upcoming AA b-day are now in the works, and I think I'll make it ODAAT
• by next weekend I will be able to post new pics of my garden in bloom
• my new, old, sponsor has welcomed me back into her life
• I had enough milk for the three coffee's I have drank since waking up
• even though Angel is almost 16, she still loves to cuddle wit Hersickmomma
• my mommy called me this week, and she loves me still
• all of my cyber friends keep visiting my little bloggy...even though by now they MUST realize I am a freak

In case any of you all were wonderin', that was my gratitude list for today! I know I am kinda doin' it backwards, but I always have been a little backwards, and I am OK with it!!!

Our first attempts at inventories are apt to prove unrealistic. I used to be a champ at unrealistic self-appraisal. On certain occasions, I wanted to look only at the part of my life that seemed good. Then I would greatly exaggerate whatever virtues I supposed I had attained. Next I would congratulate myself on the grand job I was doing in AA.

Naturally this generated a terrible hankering for still more "accomplishments", and still more approval. I was falling straight back into the patten of my drinking days. Here were the same old goals- power, fame, and applause. Besides, I had the best alibi known- the spiritual alibi. The fact that I really did have a spiritual objective made the utter nonsence seem perfectly right.

This was taken from randomly opening As Bill Sees It, and landing on page 193 ! So I guess one of my goals for today will not be to garner applause, pats on the back and laughter in my sharing. All I can do is honestly share what it was like, what happened, and what it is like today...A message from my HP, perhaps?

Keep coming back!

ADDITIONAL SUNDAY READING (read I am really bored today!)

Apparently it only takes two people to have an AA meeting, and since I am here with me, myself and I , guess that fits the criteria! It is customary to open the meeting with a moment of silence followed by the serenity prayer , may I have that moment now please...





GOD
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change (you, the weather, Devilteen...)
The courage to change the things I can (me, my thoughts, my behaviors...)
and the wisdom to know the difference...

DOH (slaps forehead!!!) I was doing so well there for a brief moment...
Hey there! My name is Lushgurl, and I AM an alcoholic! Welcome to my Sunday night ramblings and now to qualify...the very fact that I would find a loophole in order to make my own meeting should qualify me...You see I feel a little guilty that I made absolutely no attempt to hit a meeting this weekend. I don't even have a plausible excuse to cover my ass, nor do I have a reason. I just didn't go. The good news/bad news is...I actually do feel guilty. I could have made the effort, I know I would have heard something I needed to hear. I know I would have seen at least one friend who probably would have hugged me. So what did I do ? Yup, stayed home all by self, although I didn't have a pity party, and I did stalk many sober peoples' Blogs, I still feel the need to 'should' on myself...

I slept a lot this weekend, that was not too bad as I have not been feeling very well. I finished some housework that I had started so I would not feel like a total loser. I even picked up the phone and called a couple of friends. The whole weekend was not a write off. I did do things to take care of me, but man, first AA f--s up my drinking and now, it is f--ing my ability to wallow in misery too!!! What does a gurl hafta do to indulge in a good ol' fashioned pity party anyway? If the answer is DRINK or USE... Been there done that etc. and (never ceases to amaze me) I don't want to use today. Despite my best efforts to stay the same, all of the meetings I have been attending are starting to rub off into my daily affairs. THEY told me this would happen. THEY said the Promises would come true. THEY said "Keep coming Back". YEEESSH...now even if my ass is not at a meeting it seems my recovery rally still works in my life!

I am so grateful today to have a place to go and write out my feelings, and in reading other recovery blogs, I find so many others who share the same struggles as I do. This weekend especially that was a comfort to me, even though I didn't actually GO anywhere YOU all have helped me to survive myself!!! OMG...I feel the need to get sappy...I just want to thank each and everyone of you who stops by to say HI! I truly feel that I am never alone. I feel very blessed that in my darkest thoughts, there is still a glimpse of light. All I have to do is open my curtains ( read open my blog) and I feel the warmth and love of recovery enveloping me. I can choose to do something different tomorrow, and that again is thanks to YOU...

On that note , I'll end this meeting with the resposibility pledge...

When anyone, anywhere
reaches out for help
I want the hand of AA always to be there
and for that I am responsible ( cyber squeezes all your hands...)

KEEP COMING BACK, IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!!!