DOH---TAGGED AGAIN!

Inmatezwife got me----Here are the rules, word for word from her blog...

• Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
  
• Post these rules on your blog.
  
• List seven random and/or weird facts you have learned in recovery.
• Tag seven random [?] people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs
  
• Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog

Lets play now, whadda you say.................... Oh all right, maybe if I focus on something else besides "poor me", I'll actually feel better!

1. I have learned that I am not different, unique or the 'only one who thought this way! I am, however, still special!

2. The more I think I know, the more I realize how much I actually still have to learn .

3. As crazy as I thought I was when I was still using, I have come to believe that I could only get crazier if I chose to use again.

4. In my old and very materialistic world I thought the one who died with the most stuff won...now I know that the one who dies with the most stuff is just dead when they die.

5. My search to be happy by looking outside myself has brought me to looking within where my spirituality is- and THAT makes me happy.

6. I always thought I was born bad, I am bad now and I'll always be bad. I know now that I was born pure and good, I did some bad things and I'm not so bad after all.

7. I may grumble and groan and throw pity parties for me, myself and I, but it is so much better to laugh and play with friends.

So here are the friends I am inviting to come and play with me , and no, I am not putting the links here, because they are all in my side bar, and besides, I don't know how to put the link thingies in my post the way some of y'all do!..

1. Sharon- from Fellow Traveler 2. Judith- from Vicarious Rising 3. Lounge Daddy- from Lounge Daddy Chronicles 4. Shannon - from Todaay 5. Pam -from Sobriety is Exhausting 6. dAAve -from Higher Powered and last, but not least, 7. Scott W. -from Attitude of Gratitude.

So that is it for today folks! I haven't been feeling that great lately, ya know, stuck in myself, but I am glad that I checked in, amazing how that works sometimes!

TAGGED

This is a picture of me trying to help MY JAYS get to the pennant race! No, I never give up on My Boys! To see more crazy goings on go here :http://haalfnaakedthursday.blogspot.com/

I have been tagged by Inmatez Wife. I am supposed to list eight random things about me, reading some other lists was lots of fun, some people are real freaks ya know! Whew, I thought I was the only one!!!

8 random things about me:
1. I was 19 before I had my first real boyfriend (don't ask!)
2. I have been on tv three different times for two different reasons
3. Ever since I was little I have made up languages, Aangel and I do it today!
4. I am a natural redhead but dyed my hair blonde until I had a beautiful baby gurl with red hair
5. I have three piercings in each ear, and a nose ring
6. I believe that maybe I was a cat in another life because my fingernails are curved like claws
7. Beards on men really gross me out- ICKY POO- unless they're very short and neat
8. I have to flip my pillow over so my face is on a cool spot or I can't sleep

So there ya have it folks, hope you enjoyed today's edition of "What makes Lushgurl a Freak?" I am supposed to tag three people to do this one so I choose Syd, Scott (Sober Nuggets) and Sober Chick! Yup they all start with the letter 'S' , I guess that is another weird thing about me- I like to keep things simple- get it?!!! This post is short and sweet (like me) today as I have recently discovered a new computer game that I definitely am not addicted to... I'll be by tomorrow to stalk to you all.

Had to come back because one of my 'tag-ees' turned me down -WAAAH- anyway, in keeping with the 'S' theme, I am tagging Shadow and Sober Steve!

hAApy hAAlf nAAked thursdAAY to all!

I grew this raspberry all by self...to see more hAAlf nAAked fun click here... http://haalfnaakedthursday.blogspot.com/

Here is a reading from As Bill Sees it, chose by randomly opening the book, to see if He has a message for me...

We do not relate intimate experiences of another member unless we are sure he would approve. We find it better, when possible, to stick to our own stories. A man may critisize or laugh at himself and it will affect others favorably, but critisism or ridicule aimed at someone else often produces the contrary effect.

A continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a real desire to learn and grow by this means are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More experienced people, of course, in all times and places have practiced unsparing self-survey and critisism. pg 151

After I moved away from my parents home when I was 17, I would still go home for Sunday dinner. I enjoyed the chance to spend time with my family, and my moms' great cooking. One thing I did not enjoy though, was that more often than not, my dad, my brother-in-law and my sister would pick on me. I think, at the time, it was not meant to hurt, but invariably, I did feel hurt. The joking around would often take on a slightly cruel theme. They were merciless, and although it may have been tongue-in-cheek humour, it taught me a lesson about 'taking someone elses inventory'. Today, when I hear someone share at meetings, I get annoyed when I hear them talk in "you's". In treatment, I was taught to speak in "I" statements, and I find this is a much better practice for discussing my story, my feelings or my actions.

Today I am grateful for the following...

• to have another day clean and sober
• the predicted thunder storms missed us last night
• I have managed to grow a few (edible) raspberries in my garden
• new Asian lilies have bloomed today- white with yellow centers
• my Tiger lilies have begun to bloom
• AAngel is here for another five days
• everyday I have the opportunity to learn more about me
• everyday I have the opportunity to learn more about you
• for all the things we have in common
• for each and every recovery peep...that means YOU!

...and if ya enjoyed the first raspberry, here's another one!

QUAARTER NAAKED THURSDAAY NIGHT!

I had a new visiter to my blog today, and he sounds like an alcoholic in pain. He's new in recovery and is dealing with some painful stuff. I'm quite sure that all of us have enough love to help out a newcomer...why not drop by and welcome him to blogland... http://redcardinalofserenity.blogspot.com/



My sponsor gave me this butterfly charm for my birthday, in the card she wrote "The butterfly is the symbol of transformation, all that we become on our journey of sobriety. I wish you many colours!"

Well, I did it again, I missed hAAlf nAAked Thursday, I'm gonna hafta get my act together or I may be kicked out! The thing is, I've been feeling kinda stuck... I know that you guys know what this is like 'cause we are, after all, alcoholics. I was talking to a gurl that I was in treatment with and she sensed that I was not myself. She said what many others have shared, that I am experiencing post-year let down. Well, nobody told me THAT when I was getting up to receive my medallion!!! I know, nobody told me it was all gonna be cherries and cream, but come on...don't ya know I'm special??? OK, seriously now, 'cause I don't want you to hurt yourselves laughing at MY expense... I think maybe I need a good kick in the butt, and that's probably why I haven't been making phone calls or posting much. But don't tell anyone I said that, and if you do, I'll just deny it anyway. Oh crap, I forgot, I'm putting this out there for the world to see... I guess I'll bend over now LOL!

Better late than never, here is a reading from "As Bill Sees It", randomly opened to see if good old HP is paying attention to me today...

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity has returned. We can now react sanely and normally, and we find that this has happened almost automatically. We see that this new attitude toward liquor is really a gift of God.

That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky, nor are we afraid.

That is how we react-so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. pg. 121

Hahahaha... I had to laugh when I read about the sanity part, because I am not exactly feeling sane right now, but I know...this too shall pass! Today I am grateful for the following...

• they say my sanity will be restored


• to be clean and sober today


• to be able to "feel" all of my feelings


• nobody has kicked me outta AA...yet!


• my friend the Maven is celebrating 16 years on Friday (I made the cake)


• I do not have any cravings for alcohol or drugs today


• my sense of humour has returned


• my ability to love has returned


• I know how to "let go and let God", I just need to practice it more


• for all of you 'oldtimers' and 'newcomers' that keep coming back here!

So that's it for now, because I have some blog-stalking to catch up on...

A, B, C, SOMEONE TAGGED ME!

I don't know how much recovery I'll be able to fit into this post, but it's all good. I was tagged by my friend Nael- visit her here-http://dooropens.blogspot.com/ Here goes nothing...

A- Attached or Single? Umm, big surprise, I am hopelessly single!

B- Best Friend- Me and my HP, sometimes my Angel too!

C- Cake or Pie-Hmm... cake or pie, pie or cake yeah, OK, one of each- remember I AM an alcoholic

D-Drink of choice- OK, this is a tough one, I loooove my coffee (refer back to the I am an alcoholic statement) but I gotta admit, I just love ice cold water! And with all these yummy 'Crystal light' flavors out there now, I'm drinking so much water, I feel like I'm floating! LOL

E- Essential Items-Hmmm , this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I don't think I'd love life as much without my sweet computer! Now that I have apparently figured out how to do stuff on it...

F- Favorite color-gee, I wonder if anyone out there knows what my favorite colour is? I'll give y'all a hint, I surround you, me and everyone with it, whenever you visit me here!

G- Gummi Bears or Worms- I love those cute little bears, but I am a real jerk when it comes to chewing my food properly, so I usually choke on them little buggers! So I guess I'll hafta pick the worms... Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I'll go eat worms....

H- Hometown- I was born in Halifax (Nova Scotia), but have lived in Ottawa for most of my life, so for today, Ottawa is my hometown

I-Indulgence- Ice cream. So fattening, but I still do it. Breyer's, usually dark cherry with chocolate.--- this is what Nael said... funny thing is I just happened upon this very ice cream last night- YUUUUMMMMMY! But if I'm goona be honest about it- CHOCOLATE- for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert- better than sex LOL

J- January or February?- I am so over yesterday, it has passed forever beyond my control, tomorrow is not yet here...so that leaves me with just one day.... Um, let's see, it's May? Um, yeah May is my favorite month!!!

K- Kids- If you're asking if I want any...uh, no thanks, I never really liked kids ( just kidding), if you're asking how many I have, well that would depend on the day! Apparently I gave birth to one very beautiful little gurl almost 16 years ago. Some days she feels like an army of one, other days, I feel like I am so alone in the world... Today I am the proud parent of one beautiful Angel who is sleeping soundly in her bed SSSHHHH...don't wake her up yet! You can visit her here- she'd love to see a few comments on her own little bloggy!http://aangeldevilteen.blogspot.com/

L- Life is incomplete without- sobriety, family, friends. In that order. I was too lazy to type this out myself, so I shamelessly stole Nael's answer, but hey, it works for me too!

M- Marriage Date- April 15th 1989. As some of you already know it was a short and not-so-sweet marriage, I left him in December of that same year....remind me not to do THAT again!

N-Number of Siblings- One sister, we used to be thick as thieves in our much younger days, but time, and my addictions were not kind to my little big sister (she is called that because she is younger than I, but has always been as big, or bigger than me- as in taller)

O- Oranges or Apples?- I love juicy, sweet oranges , but every so often I'll get a craving for an apple, especially in the fall, like a Gala or maybe a Granny Smith- yumm

P- Phobias/Fears- How much time do ya have... Flying , thunder storms, the dark, spiders (not a big snake fan either), come to think of it roaches *shivers*, there are probably lots more, but thinking about all the phobias I have has made me afraid to think about all the phobias I have- hey, maybe that's another phobia- the fear of thinking about ones' phobias- I'll hafta google it later!

Q- Favorite Quote- "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through..." You know the rest (I hope, I have it posted in my blog!). I love this one from Mary J. Blige too, " I blame X for nothing, but I forgive X everything", and another fav is from Maya Anjelou " We did what we knew how to do, when we knew better, we did better...". I'm not sure if I got this last quote exactly right, but I hope you know it. Last but not least, every time I hear this man speak, I am moved to tears, the little hairs on my body stand up on end, and I get big ol' goosebumps, does it sound familiar to any of you? " .... I have a dream..."

R- Reason to Smile- the sunshine, my garden, birds chirping, childrens' laughter, seeing my Angel walk into a room- any room, a baby- that isn't mine!, new born animals, my life in general, I am sober today.

S- Seasons- Hmmm, I'll give you guys a hint here, the snow finally melting, new stuff growing, the start of baseball season, the promise of the dog days of summer just around the corner....

T- Tags- I don't know who to tag, I have done this quiz before, although it must have been before I garnered all the throngs of friends and admirers of my humble postings.... So, I dunno, if ya feel like doing it, blame it on me, and if your name starts with the letter "S" I'll be stalkin' ya later to see if you have taken me up on my challenge...BWAAAHAHAHA

U- Unknown fact about me- gosh, this is a tough one too. My life is pretty much an open book these days, hmmm.... did ya know that when I was 15, I had a 'nose job'? Some of my childhood nicknames included 'hook, beak, and prominent probiscus, this last given to me by my dad' Yup! I had suffered from very severe allergies, and had what they call a deviated septum, so in attempt to help me actually BREATHE, I was given a rhinoplasty. The thing is though, apparently, I was born with an unusually large, dare I say hideous growth on my face, in lieu of a more normal looking shnoz, I however was unaware of the size of my nose, because after all, who the heck gets to see their own profile? Long story short, my parents had addressed their concerns for their vanity about my appearance, and asked the doc to take a little off. This fact I was clueless to until the surgeon came in to prep me and asked me how I would like my new nose to look... good one on my already fragile esteem! Any way, and highly ironic to me today, less than one year after this "very expensive surgery which my dad had to pay for" I fell off my bike, right onto my face- and broke my nose!!! I have had two more surgeries on it since then!

V- Vegetarian or oppressor of animals? Shamelessly, once again, I will steal from Nael who says "Meat, I love meat." But truth be told, I also love my veggies, just not fanatical about avoiding meat is all...

W-Worst Habit- Don't have any bad habits ROFLAO! And if I did, d'ya really think I'd be sharing them here?

X-X-rays or ultrasounds- Ummm, did ya read about the nose job? And of course, I have had ultrasounds to see if my child actually sported horns and a tail, of course these things don't actually show up on ultrasounds, and did ya know that there are some beings out there who have no reflections in mirrors, and others who cast no shadows, but I digress!

Y- Your Favorite Food-Uh HELLO, was any one listening when I said that CHOCOLATE is better than SEX?

Z- Zodiac- Pure, innocent, the harvester of all things growing, yup a Virgo I am!

Okay, I think that is quite enuff about me for today! And how are YOU doin" ? Love your new today, as it is a gift, enjoy it for the present it is.... quote by Lushgurl- go ahead add it to your list of favorites!

A FRIEND AMOUNG FRIENDS...

Happy HNT to all my brothers and sisters in recovery! And on that note here is todays' Daily Reflection reading...Enjoy...

True Brotherhood
We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to get to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self centered behaviour blocked a partership relationship with any of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg. 53

This message contained in Step Four was the first one I heard loud and clear. I hadn't seen myself in print before! Prior coming into AA, I knew of no place that could teach me how to become a person among persons. From my very first meeting I saw people doing just that and I wanted what they had. One of the reasons that I'm a happy, sober alcoholic today is that I'm learning this most important lesson.

At my meeting last night we were talking about fear. I think for many of us fear played a very high priority in our drinking careers; for me it definately did- fear of people, fear of places, fear of myself even. I shared that I had a fear of going back to work, well not so much the working part, but more the process of getting to the point of working again! Only in an AA meeting could I share that I had little fear giving out my resumes or the potential interview (well maybe a lot), but I was more afraid of "what if someone actually hires me?" Yes the thought that someone would actually WANT to hire me is somehow more daunting that the job search itself! When I was handing out some resumes last week I had mentioned this in passing to a guy who worked in a store where I was applying. I swear he looked at me as if I had suddenly sprouted two heads! Then I felt a little silly, when he said "Well that would be the whole point, wouldn't it!"

Yes 'earthling', the whole point of handing out all the great information about me in print WOULD ultimately be to actually GET a job, but I am an alcoholic!!! In the rooms, if I share about my (ridiculous) fears and insecurities, there will ultimately be at least one person there who will totally relate. Many others will understand and some will even laugh as they remember how at one time they too were smitten by these same insane fears of regular life. I am learning to give myself a break when these overwhelming feelings come to me. In the past, whenever I would get anywhere in the vicinity of potential success in life I would immediately find a way to sabotage it. For instance, years ago I had applied at a local grocery store, they called me for an interview. So in order to insure that I would not be hired, I showed up late for the interview, and as an added incentive that I was not suitable for the cashiers job that I had applied for, I was sporting a tension bandage on my newly sprained RIGHT hand! The interviewer sadly explaned that they were hoping to start my training process the next day, but since I was injured... and no, I did NOT get that job!

I know, I can hear you laughing, and it's OK today! I did not consciously do all this, it was my deeper, still very insecure self that could not deal with the many good things in life that sobriety had to offer me. It was the feeling of uselessness and self-pity that kept me from attaining meaningful employment. I mean , really, if I was working, and having an income that I had earned with my own skills and talents, then people would think I belonged there! And I was convinced that I didn't belong in the world of successful working folk, so I could not allow that to happen!

At almost every meeting that I attend today, someone says that coming into the rooms of AA is like coming HOME. And that is a feeling that I can relate to. I have taken a break from my job search to process and regroup, and to once again allow myself to WANT it. That is one of the many blessings that this program has given me, I am choosing to walk through my fears, but also to stop and remind myself to breathe when I feel overwhelmed. I do not feel the urge to tell potential employees that they would be crazier than I am to even consider the possibility of hiring me (hahahahahahahha....insane laughter inserted here!)

So today, my friends I am going to follow up on a lead I was given the other day. It is in a little restaurant close to my home. The hours are from six AM to two PM- hey, I could even HAVE A LIFE with those hours! Apparently, the owner is not very happy with his current help, as they don't know enough to keep the toaster filled in the very busy breakfast hours!!! I know I can do this job, it is not in a bar, I work well under stress (not sure why, but I do). At my other job, in the deli, the regulars really appreciated my knowing their names and what their regular orders were- it made them feel like they were at home!

HAVING A DAY...PARTE DEUX!

I don't quite know what happened...I was SO rocking the blog world! I have been adding new stuff, rearranging old stuff, editing here, javascripting there...I guess Someone is thinking maybe my head is getting too big!!! Yesterday, it took me hours to come up with only seven songs that I really like, and true to my "please the audience" form, I wanted to show a video to go along with my picks... alas though I am not to have a video today! Wait, don't leave, you can still oooh and ahhh over my ever brilliant words of wisdom, no wait, don't leave!!

I think I am having another DAY !!! It's not MY fault! I seem to have been born this way!
OK, I know, I am a little more than my usual amount of 'freakishness' today HUH? I ran out of my anti-depressants on Saturday, but Angel and I were having A DAY, so I never got out to pick up the refill. Yesterday it was pouring rain, so I slept most of the afternoon and, no, didn't get the meds either. Today I am not doing so well, it probably isn't 'cause I'm out of meds, but I hafta find a reason for my other than normal mood, so that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Alright. so here is my list of seven songs that I USED to dig, before I tried, to no avail, to post one of the videos on my blog...

1) Don't Stop Believing......... by Journey
2) Keep the Faith ..................by Bon Jovi
3) Life is a Highway...............by Tom Cochrane
4) Still the One ......................by Shania Twain
5) Amazing .............................by Aerosmith
6) Sweet Escape.....................by Gwen Stephani
7) Lay Your Hands on ME....by Bon Jovi

Of course after finding seven songs I liked I was tagged again (this time by Scott W) and I am SO not in the mood to search through the cobwebs of my mind to come up with seven more, so I will leave that for another day!!! And as for MY tags...I realize that some of these may also be 'double tagged', so I'm throwing in a few extra's... Tabster, Kenny, Shannon, Chocolateer, Cori. Scott W, Lex Sunshine, Sharon and Grace!! Have fun!!!!

...I think I need to do my reading now, and you? This one is from "As Bill Sees it", I just randomly open the book to see what message He has for me, and THIS is what showed up, try not to laugh too hard, you might miss the message LOL

"Perfect Humility"

For myself, I try to seek out the truest definition of humility that I can. This will not be the perfect definition, because I shall always be imperfect.

At this writing, I would choose one like this : Absolute Humility would consist of a state of complete freedom from myself, freedom from all the claims that my defects of character now lay so heavily upon me. Perfect humility would be a full willingness, in all times and places,to find and to do the will of God.

When I meditate upon such a vision, I need not be dismayed because I shall never attain it, nor need I swell with presumption that one of these days its virtues shall be mine.

I only need to dwell on the vision itself, letting it grow and ever more fill my heart. This done, I can compare it with my last taken personal inventory. Then I get a sane and healthy idea of where I stand on the highway to humility. I see that my journey toward God has scarce begun.

As I thus get down to my right size and station, my self concern and importance become amusing.

Grapevine, June 1961

Once again the humour of my Higher Power is not lost on me... two short months after Bill wrote this, I was born into this world.... OK, you may laugh now!!! But don't forget to "Have a Day". Oh and before you get all huffy about the fact that I apparently lied about the video thing...I tried once again after returning to my rightful place here on earth...

NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS

Hi there , I am back from court and still intact! We didn't get to see the Judge after all today, but you know what? I was prepared for whatever the outcome would be! Cool huh ! I made sure I was up early so I didn't have to rush around, I read all three of my daily meditation books, I ate some breakfast so my tummy didn't rumble in the middle of everything, I even had time to read all the amazing and supportive comments left for me by all of you! On my way to catch the bus I ran into a fellow AA who also has been very kind to me in the rooms...he was the one who gave me my 'seven' month chip 'cause he knew I still needed that outside approval (read the applause!).

I arrived at court early, Angel was there too, so I got and gave a great big hug AND she brought me a Timmy's coffee, I just knew I was going to have a good day! When I saw my lawyer I gave her the letter I had written to the Judge and she said it would be included in our formal papers, so that went well. It seems at this point all of the parties are in agreement! How did that happen? We are now asking for four months of society ward ship and then re-integration for Angel to move back home. Of course I know that the Judge will still have the final say to approve or not approve this, but I really think I will be OK no matter what the outcome is! Hmmmm, could it be that I have begun to change? I just am really feeling different these days (different is good right?) although I do have a small confession to make... I had a slip! NO not THAT kind of slip, I missed a day reading my 12 X 12 so now I hafta start at day one again! I figure if that is the worst thing that could happen to me today then all is good in my world!

All right, so here is my list of six weird things about me ( oh and THANKS a lot for all the suggestions that poured in to make MY JOB easier LOL)...

1) I am anal about the toilet tissue hanging thing... it HAS to wind down from the top, I have even changed it at friends' houses or public washroom's... good thing not everyone is as anal as I am!
2) I am afraid (terrified) to fly but have a goal of taking Angel on a vacation to um, Hawaii or the Carribean or Europe...maybe teleporters will be invented by the time I have enough money to go anywhere!
3) One of my favorite things to do in the world is gardening, but I am terribly allergic to pollen and grass and ragweed!!!
4) I absoluetly cannot sleep without a light on, even if it is just a night light. The curtains in my bedroom are sheer to let the outside light in!
5) For most of my adult life no one any where ever saw me without my make up on, not even my mother! I am much more accepting of me today though...just don't show up at my house unannounced!
6) Last (for this list anyways) but not least...I think I might have been a cat in a previous life! Yeah you heard right LOL my nails are very curved almost like cat-claws and I have been known to 'speak' to cats and have them 'speak' to me!!!

Are y'all happy now? Just when I was starting to get some credibility back into my life! But that was kinda fun really ( note to self- don't do that again!!!)

And here is one of the things I read this morning...

A World of the Spirit
We have entered into a world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. That is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.
Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 84

The word "entered"... and the phrase "entered into the world of the Spirit" are very significant. They imply action, a beginning, getting into, a prerequisite to maintaining my spiritual growth, the "Spirit" being the immaterial part of me. Barriers to my spiritual growth are self-centeredness and a material focus on worldly things. Spirituality means devotion to spiritual instead of worldly things, it means obedience to God's will for me. I understand spiritual things to be : unconditional love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and humility. Any time I allow selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear to be a part of me, I block out spiritual things. As I maintain my sobriety, growing spiritually becomes a life long process. My goal is spiritual growth, accepting that I'll never have spiritual perfection.

On that note thank you again for all the love and support you have shown to me and my Angel and if there is such a thing as Karma, I hope all of you get all of this back in triplicate! HUGS and Love to all of you today!