.... So about three weeks ago I was coming down with a cold, no biggie really, but then my ear started doin' freaky things like popping and leaking. Well I did what any mother/alcoholic would do and ignored the problem hoping it would go away on its own- to no avail. When I woke up on the Monday I was feeling much like a survivor that a very large truck had run over, only worse, so I called boss man to ask if he could get other deli gurl to come in an hour early so that I could get to a doctor. He suggested that I take the day off. Heck, he said "I have hired a full-time cook and I'll be changing the scheduale, I will only need you on Wednesdays from 2:00 til 6:00". I was not impressed. Suffice it to say that although I was grateful to not have to work at all that day, I was disappointed that my hours were seeming to be cut so drastically, left with a shift that I would find it difficult to manage, as Wednesday is my aftercare/AA meeting night. So I did what any cranky, sickly, alcoholic would do and I pulled a hissy fit, then I hung up on boss man, then I cried , no, sobbed really. The following Wednesday, I showed up to work as if nothing had happened, making sure to glare at new-full-time-cook-guy as I waited to speak to boss man. When he had a moment, he told me (boss man, not new-guy) that he had not yet made up the new scheduale, and he didn't need me that day.... I have not worked since. WHAT THE HECK?? I have been into the store on several occasions since then, and as of yet have not received my new hours, and so it may seem that I am once again un-employed, go figure!
It has now been three whole weeks of not working and I don't like it one bit! Now that we have changed the clocks again, it is even harder for me with less sun light and in anticipation of a creeping depression, I have begun to go to many more meetings- five last week. I have also rewritten my resume and started l00king for yet another job, I have already applied at Starbucks and will be calling another Deli/Market that has recently opened in my nieghborhood, so hopefully I will not feel the need to whine at y'all about not working again!
So much has been going on with Dev- I mean AAngel too! She is definately a self-willed teenager at her best(?)... She likes to come and go as she pleases with little regard for curfews. AAngel recently told the Vice-Principal at her school that she really only went there to socialize, and to make her point, she regularly makes it in to school by noon!!! I have been resisting the urge to wrap my hands around her tiny little neck, telling her instead that I love her anyways and that her 'primary purpose' today is to get an education. After school, she has a part-time job, and after that if there is time left over she can socialize, but who am I kidding? She IS after all 16, and the child of two alcoholic parents, and MY spawn, so it seems that my darling daughter may hafta find her own path in the most difficult way possible- I have decided to turn her over to God- at least then she may have a fighting chance!
Today would have been my fathers 77th birthday, I hope he is peacefully resting with Our Father today, and I dedicate this Daily Reflection reading to him...
This...has to do with the quality of faith... In no deep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of ourselves.... We had not even prayed rightly. We had always said "Grant me my wishes" instead of "Thy will be done"
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg 32
God does not grant me material possessions, take away my suffering, or spare me from disasters, but He does give me a good life, the ability to cope and peace of mind. My prayers are simple: first , I express my gratitude for the good things in my life regardless of how hard I have to search for them; and second, I ask only for the strength and the wisdom to do His will. He answers with solutions to my problems, sustaining my ability to live through my daily frustrations with a serenity I did not believe existed, and with the strength to practice the principles of AA in all of my everyday affairs.
And with that all I have to say is- READY OR NOT- HERE I COME