" Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved, but for the patience to win my freedom."
Today feels like just another day. Yesterday I was feeling very stressed, as is common for me at the beginnning of the month. I am on disability right now, because of my panic disorder and depression, although I am able to work part time, I have not yet found a job. So once a month when my cheque arrives, I feel rich, that is until I have paid my bills, and bought groceries and usually there is not much left over for the rest of the month. I think for the most part I deal pretty well with having very little money, and I try to always be grateful to have "everything I need, and then some". I guess part of what is stressing me out this month is that my AAngel is turning sweet (or not so sweet) 16 on July 26th. She is not a greedy child by nature, so she has not requested the moon and stars to be delivered to her, but, as a teenager, it is becoming more difficult to choose gifts that she will actually want or like. And I am not flush with funds either, so that makes it even more challenging for me... This year there will be no party, and she said she doesn't want one. There will be a cake and the two of us and maybe a gift or two, and I think we will be alone at my moms' trailor in the semi-wilderness. So that is the best I can do for today.
Tomorrow is Canada's Birthday,*** don't ask me how old we are, 'cause I don't know! But we will venture out to down town Ottawa, to grapple with the swarms of the drunk and disorderly and hopefully get to see the fireworks display! AAngel and I haven't done this together for many years. When I was still drinking, she usually would be with friends or her dad, and when I wasn't drinking, it was usually too overwhelming for me to be around all those people so we never went to see the fireworks. As I am trying to do things differently today, I will go and have fun, dammit!!! I am not going to worry about tomorrow, I am going to stay in today, and today we are going shopping together, and the having a nice dinner. I have no idea what the rest of the weekend holds in store, but more shall be revealed! To all you Americans I hope you have a safe , sober and Happy 4th of July. I will try to catch up with you all in the next few days...until then, keep coming back- 'cause I love you's all!!!!
***Apparently, Canada is turning 140... that information being supplied by one of my American friends!!! Thank you to Granny for cluing me in...