Sunday, August 19, 2007

DOING THE RIGHT THING


Happy Sunday to one and all. What better way to start our day than to read today's Daily Reflection...

Referring to our list {inventory} again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 67

There is a wonderful freedom in not needing constant approval from colleagues at work or from the people I love. I wish I had known about this Step before, because once I developed a frame of reference, I felt able to do the next right thing, knowing that the action for the situation and that it was the correct thing to do.

Today I realize how I have come to not only know the right thing to do in most situations, but it actually feels better to actually do it! Flash back to about this time last year... my next door neighbor, to whom I had become quite close, was moving. It was bittersweet for me in that for about three years we were pretty good friends. I had also used her as an excuse to relapse, in that she was a social drinker, you know, one of those people who could go out for an evening and at the end of the night still have half a drink left over! The worst part for me was knowing of the eleventh commandment, which I was sure said "Thou shalt not waste alcohol!" But I digress.

The thing is, over the years we had shared lots of stuff , including my garden, do any of you know how psycho I am for my garden? LOL The thing is, I had once again become clean and sober, and my friend who near the end had become quite judgemental about this 'cokehead' as she would refer to me. Our frienship had ended about the time I came back to recovery. So in my righteous indignation about her shunning of me, after all the things I had done for her, including sharing my precious garden, I decided to 'take back my life', in the form of some of the many plants I had given her! Can you see where this is going? No? Well let me tell you!

This woman absolutely ignored me, and it hurt, but it was easier for me to get angry than to cry over losing a friend. So one day, I had decided to take back my garden, one plant at a time. I waited for a day when I was sure that neighbor gurl was not home, I was out watering my garden and I was getting angrier and angrier that she had some Asians that I had shared with her, mine never bloomed, but hers did in all their Asian glory! So I went to her yard and plucked one up, root and all, quite pleased that I would get my little flower back, and just when I was re-entering my yard, she saw me! CRAP- busted!!! And to make matters worse, because I didn't think she was home, when she screamed "Just what the HELL do you think YOU are doing?", I nearly jumped out of my skin!!!

Long story shorter...I knew at the time, that what I was doing was wrong. I had shared my garden out of love, it really did make me happy to give her some of what I had. But my hurt feelings and resentment at her grew when I found she was moving, without crying to say goodbye to me, and my anger caused me to retaliate. I think of this gurl often, wonder how she is doing, and try to remember the fun we once had. I know that I definately owe her an apology, for my behaviour. I am reminded of a saying that one of AAngels' grade school teachers had : "It takes less time to do something right than to explain why you did it wrong!" Hope you all have a wonderful day!

14 comments:

sharonsjourney said...

Yesterday I cried over the harm done to me, today I cry over my harm done to others. It is so true.

I like that saying of AAngel's teacher, true indeed.

Yes, I know how you are about your garden. I think it is cool. Sharing it, I know meant alot to you, & I'll bet it did her too, she won't forget. She has that tucked somewhere in her heart.

Happy Sunday to you

Love, Sharon

Syd said...

It's so easy to build up resentment when we move on in recovery and others don't or are "normal" and don't have issues. I'm not as close as I was once to one of my good friends for that reason. He just doesn't contact me much anymore.

Sober Steve said...

Hey I'm back. Had a great in Canada. I didn't make any meeting, should of. Needed them. Good thing the liquoe stores are run by the goberment and not open on Sundays. I almost slipped but felt arms hold me up.

peace
Steve

Krista said...

Good story. I know what its like to be called a cokehead, and it especially hurts when a former friend refers to you like that, or you think that's what they call you. I have lost some friendships over the course of my crazy years, and I would probably do the same thing- whether its ripping out her garden (I cant help but laugh), or just wanting back anything I ever gave to them or resenting anything generous I ever did for them. Well, I hope you had a nice weekend. I was dealing with annoying cravings for the past two days, but I went to a meeting tonight and didn't give in to the drink. Another day, Another day...

Granny said...

Hi. Family crisis happening and net mostly down.

Would you do me a favor and thank the Maven for her kind comment? I can't remember the name of her blog. I'll try to find it but the net may go down in meantime.

The bright spot - I'm sober.

Shadow said...

don't get mad, get even they say...

but back to reality. i also have a (ex)friend like that. still wonder what she's doing, where she is, etc etc. i wish i could apologise to her...

Scott W said...

I can't relate to that. Right. LOL.

Shannon said...

loosing friends hurts! Its like breaking up with a boyfriend.
We have this one gal around here, who I was really close to, and another friend of mine was as well.. over a series of misunderstanding, and how she reacted to her feelings over this, this gal cut us out of her life. It hurt me so bad. OH man, it killed me. I couldnt believe it, but it was true. Something I read a long time ago went something like this, " do what is right, sometimes you just need to cry and dry your own tears instead of getting back at them" or something like that...?LOL but it really helped me. It just hurts LG, and I know for me, pain still pisses me off.. but I am grateful to have this program help me through that pain.
Thank you for sharing this story with us. I hope you are having a good day today too!

Inmatez Wife said...

So many people we have all lost. Yet, in the "Greater" plan, we are gaining from it. Ya know? I think it is one of those things, you just don't get it until you get it.
I know I have many nights when I think of those I no longer hang out with, talk to, use with. All of them, I do miss them. But, I know that it is for a reason that we are no longer together.
love the teachers saying, how true it is.

AAngel said...

yup I remember that time and sometimes I miss it but sometimes I dont but I am happy for not only you today but for us which I think is very important and hope to keep it like that for quite a while xox love yeah tonneesssss xox

Pam said...

It has always been easier for me to get angry rather than to cry. Loss of any kind sure makes us crazy. Thanks for the post, it reminded me of a few things I used to do to retaliate...don't want to go back there either girl.

Namenlosen Trinker said...

Boy, can I relate to the feelings that made you take that plant back. Been there, done that, many times. But not lately, LOL.

Bouncing off the Bottom said...

"Today I realize how I have come to not only know the right thing to do in most situations, but it actually feels better to actually do it!" Amen! Girl.

I love to visit your site and just re-read the promises. I really think they are what got me sober.

Mary Christine said...

Maybe God will see fit for you to find her to make amends?