QUAARTER NAAKED THURSDAAY NIGHT!

I had a new visiter to my blog today, and he sounds like an alcoholic in pain. He's new in recovery and is dealing with some painful stuff. I'm quite sure that all of us have enough love to help out a newcomer...why not drop by and welcome him to blogland... http://redcardinalofserenity.blogspot.com/



My sponsor gave me this butterfly charm for my birthday, in the card she wrote "The butterfly is the symbol of transformation, all that we become on our journey of sobriety. I wish you many colours!"

Well, I did it again, I missed hAAlf nAAked Thursday, I'm gonna hafta get my act together or I may be kicked out! The thing is, I've been feeling kinda stuck... I know that you guys know what this is like 'cause we are, after all, alcoholics. I was talking to a gurl that I was in treatment with and she sensed that I was not myself. She said what many others have shared, that I am experiencing post-year let down. Well, nobody told me THAT when I was getting up to receive my medallion!!! I know, nobody told me it was all gonna be cherries and cream, but come on...don't ya know I'm special??? OK, seriously now, 'cause I don't want you to hurt yourselves laughing at MY expense... I think maybe I need a good kick in the butt, and that's probably why I haven't been making phone calls or posting much. But don't tell anyone I said that, and if you do, I'll just deny it anyway. Oh crap, I forgot, I'm putting this out there for the world to see... I guess I'll bend over now LOL!

Better late than never, here is a reading from "As Bill Sees It", randomly opened to see if good old HP is paying attention to me today...

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity has returned. We can now react sanely and normally, and we find that this has happened almost automatically. We see that this new attitude toward liquor is really a gift of God.

That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky, nor are we afraid.

That is how we react-so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. pg. 121

Hahahaha... I had to laugh when I read about the sanity part, because I am not exactly feeling sane right now, but I know...this too shall pass! Today I am grateful for the following...

• they say my sanity will be restored


• to be clean and sober today


• to be able to "feel" all of my feelings


• nobody has kicked me outta AA...yet!


• my friend the Maven is celebrating 16 years on Friday (I made the cake)


• I do not have any cravings for alcohol or drugs today


• my sense of humour has returned


• my ability to love has returned


• I know how to "let go and let God", I just need to practice it more


• for all of you 'oldtimers' and 'newcomers' that keep coming back here!

So that's it for now, because I have some blog-stalking to catch up on...

NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN!

I'm still tired and still a little crabby, that's why I haven't posted for a couple of days. I did talk to my therapist today, and she said it made perfect sense to her. Glad to know my misery has its' place! LOL! Apparently this is quite common to have post-party let down, you know like the big climb up the roller coaster and then the whole thing breaks down... She asked me what my plans were for the next year, and I replied just more of the same, staying sober One Day at a Time, more to uncover and discover about me, having my AAngel come back home, and of course that nasty little matter of the job search! And NO, in case you were wondering, I have not heard back from Walmart, I guess God has planned for me to wake up rich instead of just beautiful tomorrow. LOL!

The best I can do for today will have to be enough, and so today, I am grateful for the following...

• I actually made it into my second year of sobriety
• I have a counsellor who "gets" me
• no news can be viewed as no bad news
• it was a gorgeous, hot and sunny day today
• by the end of the week I will have new blooms in my garden
• there is still much I have to learn
• there are things that I can teach others
• to have a peaceful weekend with AAngel
• not every day has to be chaotic and full
• I have everything I need today and then some
• my HP must have better plans for me than mine would have been
• all of my friends and family in recovery... YES, that means YOU!

hAAlf nAAked Thursday

This is me hAAlf awAAke for HNT...to see more hAAlf nAAked fun click here... http://haalfnaakedthursday.blogspot.com/, and just so I don't scare ya too much, here are a couple more garden pics for your enjoyment...




If you can ignore the chain link fence and the toys from my neighbors yard, there is no place I'd rather be than in my garden! And to remind us all what the purpose of life is, here is todays Daily Reflection...

...our society has concluded that it has but one high mission- to carry the AA message to those who don't know there is a way out.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg. 131

The "light" to freedom shines bright on my fellow alcoholics as each one of us challenges the other to grow. The "Steps" to self-improvement have small beginnings, but each Step builds the "ladder" out of the pit of despair to new hope. Honesty becomes my tool to unfurl the "chains" which bound me. A sponsor, who is a caring listener, can help me to truly hear the message guiding me to freedom.
I ask God for the courage to live in such a way that the Fellowship may be a testimony to His favor. This mission frees me to share my gifts of wellness through a spirit of readiness to serve others.

Today I am grateful for the following...

• to see a new(er)comer pick up her thirty day chip
• that there were a lot of people willing to look at relapse prevention last night
• that day by day, I am becoming more well
• I have the patience to wait for my celebration a week after my sobriety date!
• that I am choosing to not eat junk for breakfast
• to be happy, not envious, for the good fortune of others
• today I am able to pay my bills
• another 24 hours of clean and sober living
• I am meeting with my new sponsor at the woman's group tonight
• for ALL of YOU...

Happy HNT everyone, choose to have a good day!

HO HUM ... IT'S FRIDAY...

Well, it's Friday now and I'm feeling a little down today, not sure why... Angel called to ask if it was OK for her to come tomorrow instead of today, of course I said it was all right, after all, she IS a teenager, and she DOES have a life without mom! This weekend is a long weekend anyway, so we'll still have extra time together. I had made German potato salad and we'll have knackwurst with it, and we we're going to eat outside, since it is so gorgeous out. I guess we can still do that tomorrow, right? All I can say, is I'm getting kind of tired of these up and down moods I've been having. They have been mostly up, but then I'm blindsided by the down, and I'm not liking that very much at all. I know...this too shall pass, I say it all the time ! It just doesn't seem appropriate to say it to me, even though I know it's true!

Get a grip Lushgurl, you know what is going on here.... my inner demons are trying to sabotage me, yeah, that's it! I called my former boss from the fruit and vegetable market today, he had told me that he might want me to work this weekend. But when I spoke to him, he said he wouldn't need me, as it was not busy, and too cold. What the F***? It is beautiful out today, and a long weekend, which is typically very busy for outdoor shopping here. So now I'm thinking he doesn't want me to work at all, but am too afraid to just ask him, so my sh*tty committee is working over time in my head! The thing is, I was really looking forward to working this weekend, I'm getting restless, and there's nothing like a twelve hour shift outside to help kill the restless bugs! Oh well, maybe next weekend...

As I shared yesterday, I had won some money the other day. It was not like hundreds or anything, but I am so used to having no money at this time of month, that I felt rich for a minute! So I went shopping, it's one of the things that I'm really good at. I bought some groceries, of course, and three new lanterns for my garden and a 'flutterby' wind chime, which sounds really pretty. Then I decided to get the mommy some new sandals, seeing as it is summer and all. It took me a long time to pick out a couple of pairs, and the total was still only about twenty bucks, but, wait for it, now I am feeling guilty. That just ruins the fun of shopping ya know- that guilt thing, so even though I could use the shoes, I almost feel like returning them. Why? 'Cause deep down I don't really feel like I deserve any new and pretty things. I am so used to spending money on Angel or buying stuff we need, that it doesn't feel OK just buying something for me. AAARRRGGGHHH !!!

In light of my unusually cheery mood (LMAO!!!), I think now would be a good time for our Daily Reflection's reading...

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

Alcoholics Anonymous pg.83

My first true freedom is the freedom to not have to take a drink today. If I truly want it, I will work the Twelve Steps and the happiness of this freedom will come to me through the Steps- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Other freedoms will follow, and inventorying them is a new happiness. I had a new freedom today, the freedom to be me. I have the freedom to be the best me I have ever been.

OK, my HP, I get the message, I have a choice today! So today I am grateful/thankful for the following...

• I have the freedom to be me today, not entirely sure if I like this, LOL
• to be clean and sober
• more new blooms in my garden- light pink tulips and purple irises, yellow are coming soon)
• I get to secratary my home group tonight- so I can feel useful to my fellows
• I have food in my fridge and money in my pocket
• Angel will come tomorrow, for the rest of the weekend
• wherever I go, there I am !
• my 'Boys" are playing tonight, hopefully their winning streak will continue
• whenever I feel yucky, I hear or read something that changes my mood
• this is a kind of long post, but I'm not sorry, 'cause I had to get some stuff out
• I lied, I kinda do feel bad about the long post!
• ALL of my blogging friends, yes, that means YOU

Have a FREE weekend on me folks!

A LETTER TO THE MAN...

I have had a busy day today, I had to go to Legal Aid this morning, what a treat. After two and a half hours of waithing , I finally got in to see someone! It was really freakin' cold this morning,
(-41 degrees celcius) but the sun was shining and it felt great to be outdoors!

I finally figured out how to add people to my links list- ALL BY SELF!!!So if anyone sees their name linked to mine, and don't want to admit that you know me in some way, let me know and I'll remove you! (from my links, but not my life!!!) I am so proud of self, I was not only able to add people, but I saved the changes AND my links are actually WORKING...Woo Hoo for Lushgurl!

For today I would like to share with you all a letter I have written to the Judge who will decide wheather or not my Angel will be able to come back home...

Your Honor:
I am writing this letter in support of my application to the court of a further 3 to six months Society Wardship for my daughter Angel It has been just over two years since my daughter was removed from my full-time care. In these past years I have undergone a series of changes in my life and I would ask that Your Honor take the time to read about these changes, so that you may better understand me.
My name is Lushgurl, and I am a recovering alcoholic/addict. Two years ago I was so caught up in my addiction(s) that I could not see that my life was so unmanageable. Even when my daughter was removed from my care. I already knew that I was an alcoholic/addict, but did not have the desire to stop using at the time, and a part of me thought that I wouldn’t be able to stop even if I did have the desire to do so. It took me quite some time to re-enter the journey to recovery. On October 21, 2006, I had my first clean day from cocaine. I had tried to quit before but was unsuccessful. At the time I had no intention or desire to stop drinking or using marijuana and not having my daughter with me , I found some small comfort in my using.
In April of 2006, I made a phone call to Rideauwood , they had helped me in the past, and I believed that just maybe they could help me again. In June I attended an intensive ten day treatment program, I have now been clean and sober since June 2, 2006, and on Friday March 6, I picked up my nine month chip at my ‘home group’ in AA. In the past nine months I have been given a gift of sobriety and for that I am very grateful. I had what they call in AA, a spiritual awakening, like I had never experienced before. I all of a sudden ‘got’ that I had to start to love and care for myself, or I could never truly love and care for my daughter. Today I do love and care for myself, and I would very much like the chance to be a mother to my daughter on a full time basis again.
I attend three to six meetings a week, I have a sponsor, I go to Rideauwood for counseling twice a month and I also attend a relapse prevention group there once a week. I am very much aware of my lack of credibility and cannot go back to undo any of the damage I have done. But with all the support I have in my life today, I intend to remain clean and sober for the rest of my life (one day at a time). I am currently looking for a part time job in order to become a more productive member of society. I am doing the best I can for today and want only what is best for my daughter.
At the end of June she will complete her year of High school. On June 2, I will have a full year of clean and sober living. I ask that you please consider giving my daughter and I a chance to be a full family again. I plan to continue with all of the things I am doing to improve my life. I plan to continue having my daughter attend counseling at Rideauwood too. We attend my Friday night meeting together every week and I hope that this too will continue, for me it will. I don’t know what else I can add, I hope that maybe I have given you a better insight into who I am as a human, not just as a woman who has made so many mistakes in her life and the life of my daughter. I love her with my whole self today, more than I ever have before. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
Respectfully Yours,

Hey everyone, I just found out that tomorrow is our sweet Meg's 14th AA birthday. Make sure you all stop by to wish her a Happy one, THANKS ALL!