Wednesday, February 14, 2007

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

So here I am, on Valentine's day, all by self (big surprise there!) The very strange thing is that I am not feeling sad or sorry for myself. I am not going to spend the day avoiding people, places, or things that remind me, endlessy, how it should really suck to be single today! I don't quite know how I got here, I mean the new and improved version of self! Could it be that I am actually starting to change? Could it be that I have managed to stay clean and sober through many trials in my life? Could it be that maybe I am starting to feel ok about me? Could it be because I am going to meetings, not just in body, but in spirit too? HMMMM...Nah It's just a MIRACLE, yeah, that's it!!!

I have been stalking many blogs today, as I usually do in the mornings, and have felt 'a part of''. I have read Valentines' wishes that I have said were posted JUST for me!!! I have shared my few words of wisdom here and there, and have sent hugs and love to my blogger friends! It feels good! Here we go again...

I was talking to my counsellor yesterday, and sharing that although I have been feeling very tired lately, I haven't really been depressed for quite a while. To those who suffer from depression, I know you can relate to the ever-waiting-for-the-black-cloud mentality. It's like we can have a few good days, enjoying life but sooner or later, the comfort of sorrow, the familiarity of pain, the desperate lonliness always return. I'm not saying I like that better, it's just what I am used to. Feeling good, being happy, are new and foreign, and therefore scary to me! A part of me will wait for the proverbial shit to hit the fan once again. It is a struggle to just BE happy. Gratitude goes a long way on days like today!!!

I had to check on my comments to the post of the other day (I'm nosy like that), and noticed a comment from MC, a friend in recovery, who suggested I stop calling the child Devilteen!!! HMMPH... what can I respond to that? In our real life I do call her ANGEL, honestly!! But for the purposes of Blogging about my (our) life I have laughingly dubbed her Devilteen, as the teen age years seem to be fraught with ever-changing moods, problems, crisis and you know, stress for the mommy!!! The thing is, if I call her Angel on my blog, you all out there will not believe me when I share how rotten she is sometimes!!! It's like our friend, the Maven, who had met the child on several occasions and flat out refused to believe that this wonderful young woman ever drove me crazy!! I swear, my love for her knows no bounds, it is unconditional, and ever-lasting. That being said, somedays I do fantasize of killing her and burying her in my garden...Please don't take my ramblings too seriously though, it is just me venting to try and maintain some semblance of sanity. But I will consider renaming the child, to avoid offending more sensitive souls whose opinions and life I value! I sure hope MC visits this post, I'm so striving for progress today...

Today is going to be a really good day, I am going to my regular Wednesday night meeting where Joe will celebrate 34 years of sobriety! He has been announcing his own upcoming celebration for over a month now! How cute is that!!! I love Joe. He is 70 years young and obviously has done many things right to be able to get to 34 years. He goes to one or two meetings a day, now that he is retired. He volunteers for Meals-on-Wheels, which is a wonderful program that brings hot meals to those who can't get out. By himself, he kept the AA Christmas alcothon supplied with coffee (no small feat). He shares openly at every discussion group he attends and the most humble part? He attributes his recovery to God granting him just one day of sobriety. I have been told that for this very special day, the chairperson has arranged to get a video of Bill W. speaking at a meeting! I can not wait! this will indeed be a Valentine's day to remember, and I think the best gift of love I can give myself, wish you all could be there with me! I will come back later to share what I heard though. Until then ...

HUGE HUGS to All and may your day be filled with love and miracles and happiness XXOXXOOXXOO

12 comments:

The Maven said...

Happy lub day, Lushy! *HUGS*

Mrs. Random said...

I read once that Valentine's Day was meant to be spent with someone you loved, and, get this, that someone can be *yourself*. Now, I'm not talking about narcissism or arrogance. I'm talking about loving yourself, despite your failures and shortcomings, for who you are and who you are created by.

And I'm sure spending the evening with friends at meeting during an activity you're looking forward to will be very cool!

(I'm not trying to be condescending, or offering quick 'easy for you to say' fixes. I'm just trying to be encouraging. You've lifted me up when I was feeling down the past couple weeks, so I'd like to return the favor).

Anonymous said...

Happy Valentines day Lush !!

And thank you for your kind words last night about my kitty..I took down the post but still missing him.Should learn more today.

Steven said...

I'm really only in this whole Valentines day thing for the sex. ;)

Steve~

Jocelyn said...

I love how you greet each day with firm resolution and take care to find the positives. And that whole Devilteen thing? I love it!

Anonymous said...

Happy Valentines Day, Lush. And thank you for visiting my blog and offering your E, S, and H. It is truly appreciated.
Peace,
Scout
P.S. You just gotta love a great oldtimer like that, don't ya?

Mary Christine said...

I really shouldn't have said anything, but I really believe that what we call people, places, and things has a profound effect on the way we feel about them and the way we treat them... even if we are kidding. But it TRULY is none of my business.
Happy Valentine's Day!

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

happy love day Lushgurl!

ArahMan7 said...

Happy belated Valentines Day. BTW, what's stalk-a-thon?

Pammie said...

I'm lovin' your gratitude through EVERYTHING....that is what will sustain you mi amiga.

ArahMan7 said...

Thanks for stalk-a-thon.

Like it or not, you gonna stay in My Sacred Links till the last breath of mine (if I blog till then). You're wonderful, Yosickmomma. Plus witty and you're funny (maybe there's some loose screw somewhere). Nah! Just kidding.

Thanks for your friendship, Yosickmomma.

lushgurl said...

LOL thanks Noor...it's nice to be wanted today! When I (get the Maven to) update my links list, you will be there too!
Keep coming back!