Saturday, February 24, 2007


I can hardly believe that it has been over a week since I last posted! While my ego was bruised that the world at large did not come to a screeching halt without my presense, my heart was glad to see my sober buddies still right where I left them after my last stalk-a-thon!

I have been quite sick, no, not just in the head! I have actually been ill! Last weekend was the worst I have felt since getting sober, and I remember every excruciating detail of my misery...So I am grateful for that! The child insisted on coming to visit last weekend, although I did try to talk her out of it. I had called her to say I was sick, you know, give her an out, but she said that she wanted to come anyway, and that she could help take care of me! How times have changed! When I was still drinking, she would spike my coffee for me in the morning, probably so I wouldn't take it out on her (how badly I was feeling), today, she Wanted to help me feel better!

I'm not sure exactly what was ailing me, maybe a flu bug, I just know that by Saturday night my temperature had soared to 104 degrees! The thing is, my Angel was here to wake me up and monitor my temp every so often. She brought me lots of liquids to drink, filled a cool bath for me to sit in and was just Here for me when I was feeling so badly. God I love her! What a beautiful young lady she is turning into! Despite my best efforts to bring her down with me on my personal road to hell, she stills loves me and is willing to spend the weekend with a sick mommy who sleeps alot and complains that the bath water is too cold!!! Thankfully I am feeling much better today. I am still coughing up a lung every so often, but have not had a fever since Monday. No I haven't been to a doctor yet, but will go on Monday if I am still symptomatic.

On Saturday my Angel had asked me if she could meet up with a friend that she hadn't seen in about a year. I said yes, mostly because I was too sick to entertain her, but also because she has shown herself to be trustworthy. I don't have to worry about her going out and getting into trouble ( you know, devilteen stuff like scoring drugs or shop lifting, things she USED to do). Any way the friend was a guy that she used to go to school with, and I had absolute trust in her. I gave her my cell phone 'just in case' and a couple of bus tickets for getting home. We discussed where she would be and what time she would be home and I didn't feel the need to check up on her in the hour and a half that she was out of my sight! What a great new life!

Angel had left here at about three thirty and said she'd be home in a couple of hours... at quarter to five she was back safe and sound and sharing how the visit went! That's different! Well apparently the boy was quite happy to see my daughter, and had asked if he could hold her hand. She said yes that would be ok. A little while later he asked if he could have a kiss ( in my mind as she is telling me this I'm thinking "no, stop I don't wanna hear about it!"), but she continues oblivious to my screaming fears in my mind... She tells me " you know mom, when he asked if he could kiss me I got kind of an icky feeling in my tummy. I said no because I didn't know him that well and then I told him I had to be home by four thirty". Yes , this is MY daughter I am talking about here! She said NO! She meant NO and the best part, she listened to her inner voice telling her it was time to leave! WOW, AMAZING, WAY TO GO ANGEL!!!

For all of her life I have tried to teach my Angel how to best protect herself to stay safe, I guess in part because of all the abuse I had suffered growing up but more because I wanted her to know that she could say NO, she could set boundaries and her feelings were right and valid. I remember once when she was about four, still in kindergarten, when I went to pick my Angel up the teacher took me aside and said "I have something to tell you". Of course my first thought was Oh God what did she do, what will it cost me? But to my surprise, the teacher wanted to praise me for the way I was bringing up my child... You see there was a little boy who had a crush on my Angel and for the most part she was happy to be the object of his affections, but it seemed that during the story circle, this little boy sat just a little too close,and instead of belting him or yelling at him, Angel simply said " Can you move over, you are invading my boundaries!" FOUR years old at the time!

The teacher thought this was so incredibly cute, but also got how important this lesson was to give a little girl such a strong sense of self. YOU GO GIRL!!! I have seen Angel do stuff like this many different times throughout her life and am always quite amazed and proud of her. It hasn't always been easy either. One time an ' Auntie' was leaving after spending the weekend with us, the auntie said come and give me a hug and kiss goodbye, but Angel said "NO". Auntie was quite offended and tried to insist on the hug/kiss thing at which point I spoke up and repeated that Angel said no and you have to respect that. Funny how people just assume that if you are a grown up a child must do what they are told. I have shared many a time that Angel has said no to me which has led me to pull out my hair, but I truly believe that it is all good, especially when I see her standing up for herself and not doing something just to not offend another person. As much as I wish I had been told it was ok to say no when I was little, I am so grateful to be able to teach this to my child today.

In keeping with my happy frame of mind today, here is my 'Daily Reflections' reading for today...

I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.
As Bill sees it pg. 37

My sponsor told me that I should be a grateful alcoholic and have "an attitude of gratitude"--- that gratitude was the basic ingredient of humility and that "anonymity was the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities". As a result of this guidance, I can start every morning on my knees thanking God for three things: I am alive, I am sober and I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Then I try to live an "attitude of gratitude" and thoroughly enjoy another twenty four hours of the AA way of life. AA is not just something I joined, it is something I live.

Here's wishing you all another gift of a happy and grateful attitude throughout your day!


Meg Moran said...

I wish I had learned to say no at an early age. I still struggle with it, although it comes easier now when I remember I am sober and have value in today's world. Doing it gracefully is the thing.... Glad you are on the road to recovery with cough/fever..and that you saw the power of love when you were in the midst of it.

Pam said...

wow....what a week you've had. Glad you are indeed feeling better.
I've missed your posting

Rex said...

Glad you are feeling better. The flu went through our house the 1st of the month and that cough lasts for up to 2-3 weeks! Things between you and your daughter sound wonderful. So happy for you.

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

Welcome back, Yosickmomma. You might not know it, my world came to a screeching halt without your presence!

Ooops! I'm sorry. I wish I could be as stubborn as the child insisting to come over and take care of Mysickmomma hopefully you will love me for it!

Lex-Sunshine said...

I'm glad you are feeling better!!!

and that story about your daughter, her boundaries today and at 4 years old, are just amazing!!! and inspriring!!! I'm not sure I have those kind of boundaries today! How beautiful! How wonderful! How proud you must be!!!!! I hope I can pass that on to my own children......

Pam said...

just checking in on you to say hi.....HI

Anonymous said...

glad your feeling better.

and thanks for your jab in the ribs - lol. i love you too.
you're great :)

Steven Novak said...

Wow....that's a heck of a week right there.

Glad to hear that you're feeling better kiddo.