Sunday, November 05, 2006


Well it seems that I have successfully published my very first Blog. I dunno about you, but it seemed like an awful lot of work just to get a few comments! Don't get me wrong, I love the adulation, quite frankly it may be worth it on the days when life seems gloomy and dull. I'm just not sure if I have created a monster with this thing...

Let's take a look at the situation here, a single mom staying up til all hours of the night typing away trying to put her life in perspective. A) She doesn't actually have a life to perspect. B) She must be very lonely. C) Does anybody really care? We think not!!!

But never-the-less I shall faithfully post once again because, dammit, it just feels good! As I may have mentioned, I am one of those people who usually goes for the quick fix. Maybe, just maybe this will be a test of my patience. Maybe I will learn that good things come to those who wait. Or maybe I'll just go totally insane checking my Blog every half hour, the anticipation creating the slightest amount of perspiration on my brow. But what if nobody has read me that day, then what will I do?

I don't actually think I would experience the D.T.'s or anything , but I have been known to throw the odd tantrum now and again. In the deepest part of my psyche, I suppose that I may think I am special, that would explain my need for recognition (in anyone else's world) of every little victory. Case in point: I just recently achieved five months clean and sober. At the meetings I attend we are given tokens for our sobriety, we have the desire to stop drinking, then one month, two month, three month and WHAT? six month. Hey, wait a minute, what happened to four and five?Yeah, yeah, I know there is a six month but I want the applause NOW!!! So I got a three and a one and taped them together for my four months, then a two and a three for my five months, but somehow it just didn't feel the same. After all I was the only one there and honestly it did feel a little silly getting up and presenting it to myself and when I applauded, well let's not even go there!

As I search back to find out where it was that I got this way it would appear as if I am actually at fault...For example, when Devilteen was born (no she didn't come out as Devilteen ) we'll call her Debaby for the purpose of this analogy. Anyway after thirty hours of labour followed by a c-sec, clearly she was THE most beautiful baby ever born. I know what you are thinking here, that everyone believes that about their own child. But wait, there's more! ALL of the nurses would comment on her unique beauty too. And just when you thought it was too good to be true, there's still more!! Even new father's of other babies would say how beautiful Debaby was! Note to new father's, NEVER comment on the beauty of another womans' baby if you value your, um, bits!!!

When I would take Debaby out for a walk in her stroller people would constantly come up to me to Adore Her. At Debaby's baptism, when the Priest intoduced Her to Her congregation,Debaby raised her tiny little hand and graced them with a Royal wave and a simple"HI!" I kid you not!!! As Debaby got a little older (I am a firm believer that children respond better to praise than critisim) I as the attentive mom (read accomodating), would comment allthe time on her wondrous accomplishments. When we were potty training (Debaby, not me) and she would tinkle in her little throne, I would gleefully cry "YAY!" and clap my hands. If we happened to have a guest and Debaby would perform a #2. all of us would be required to attend the performance and deliver a hearty round of applause!

I guess the point I am trying to make is, that I know longer feel the joy vicariously through my child, I am at a point in my life where I want a liitle recognition for MY own accomplishments. Don't get me wrong I still absolutely believe that I did the best I could to prepare Devilteen for the cruel, cruel world she is soon to be thrust out in, I just want some of it for me now! Is that so wrong? We think not!

So in closing I would like to give a quick shout out to those of you out there who will read and comment (read praise) on my humble postings...HOLLA! I appreciate you taking time out of your busy day to (love) me!!! No doubt I will return with another edition of "This Too Could Be Your Life" Later dudettes!


Jobthingy said...

dont worry babes. i need something to read at work. and before i hit my book (Traci Lords Autobio at the moment) i check on all the blogs i am secretly addicted to... that means you my friend!

Anonymous said...

Greetings, my attentiong whoring friend! I'm with you on the comments. I do love them so. It's a sick addiction, I'm afraid.

Much love from one exhibitionist to another!