Tuesday, July 24, 2007

MY BABY IS GROWING UP

I cannot believe that this week my little AAngel will be sixteen! I honestly don't know where the time has gone! I often look at pictures of her when she was a baby, and really, she pretty much looks the same, only bigger. I so loved being pregnant, and I was sober at the time, so I remember very well all of the changes going on within my body. For me it was a feeling of true joy and wonder, to actually know that there was a life growing inside me. I remember the first ultra sound, and seeing the little heartbeat, and crying tears of joy and gratitude that for whatever reason God had chosen me to be the mother of this little miracle. It really was a spiritual journey. Even now, when I see a pregnant woman , I feel overcome by the emotions. I also think often of how AAngel looked when she was born, clearly this child had been on this earth before! She came out looking perfect (due to a c-sec), but it was more than that. She had the look on her face as if she recognized stuff, a knowing and very wise look. You know how some babies come out screaming with their hair standing up on end, angry to see the lights and hear the sounds of life? It's like they're saying "I wanna go back in, I don't like it here!". There was none of that with AAngel, her perfect little face surveyed her new surroundings, and her cry was low but demanding, like she just knew everything would be OK, and all of her desires would be met. Without any reservations or hesitation, I can honestly say that the day she was born is, and forever will be, the very best day of my entire life. So this post is dedicated to my beautiful AAngel...

Here is today's Daily Reflection reading, on this day sixteen years ago, my AAngel was preparing to be born- yes, I was in labour for 30 hours before she finally decided to make her appearance!...

Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 20

Self-centeredness was my problem. All my life people had been doing things for me and I not only expected it, but I was ungrateful and resentful they didn't do more. Why should I help others, when they were supposed to help me? If others had troubles, didn't they deserve them? I was filled with self-pity, anger and resentment. Then I learned that by helping others, with no thought of return, I could overcome this obsession with selfishness, and if I understood humility, I would know peace and serenity. No longer do I need to drink.

Today I am eternally grateful and thankful for the following...

  • that AAngel chose me to be her mother
  • to be able to embrace motherhood, even with all of the trials and tribulations
  • that being a mom has taught me so much about my mother
  • that being a mom has taught me so much about me
  • that all in all, I truly love the person that my daughter is becoming
  • I am sober and fully present in my daughter's life today
  • God has given me everything I need today, and then some
  • for the opportunity to help my AAngel be the best she can be at whatever she chooses
  • for each one of you
  • today is our friend MC's 23rd AA birthday- drop by and give her some lovin' huh!

18 comments:

Scott W said...

Ok, done. That first comment was supposed to be Moloko Milkbar.

Granny said...

Done. I'm jealous. Mine didn't come with a map.

Tab said...

I signeded your guest book..now where is the reception? lol
I know..one track mind..food :P
xo Tab

Meg Moran said...

very cool I hope it keeps growing and you keep showing us!!!

Sober Steve said...

I signed in,,i will be back.

peace
Hugs kisses
steve

Shannon said...

very cute... will have to work on getting one too.. I like it

Syd said...

You clearly love Angel dearly. That is a great gift. Keep that love for her always.

sharonsjourney said...

I messed up your guestbook. I said Hi, here's some lovin' from North Central Washington, & put that I'm from Wenatchee, but it kept the San Francisco. I'm sorry.

I would give anything to have carried a baby, but I didn't, well, once for 3 months, then I lost it, wasn't able to get pregnant after that. I love hearing what it was like. It's just like how I would imagine it to be. You shared your experience for me, thank you.

Christine said...

happy getting to the birth of Angel day

Some days we can never ever forget

Granny said...

I forgot to say Happy Birthday go AAngel. Shame on me.

Inmatez Wife said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ANGEL, AND TO MOMMY ALSO. I always view my childrens birthday as a day for me also. there is no greater feeling, then carrying one of God's angels, and the love we give and receive. It truly is a gift. How wonderful for you!! Oh, and 30 hours huh, was in for 36 with my first, 19 of which were hard labor!! It was worth it, all 5 times!
Oh, can't get in the guestbook, dont know what is happening, but I do love it. Enjoy your day with your angel

Shadow said...

happy sweet 16 to aangel!!! and here's to everything she's taught you...

Scott W said...

How odd that my comment, the first here, was from the other day.

Isn't it amazing that alcohol can just take away all you have written about? It's uncomprehensible! Great list and happy birthday to Angel!

Guilty Secret said...

Aw you told that story so beautifully. Happy birthday to your little girl :)

Pam said...

coming by to give you a hug!

Tab said...

Man I could feel your heart in this post Lush.Beautiful.
Letting yourself embrace Motherhood and all that comes with it has got to be the ultimate experiece for those of us willing to accept the things we cannot change and the courage to change what we can..ourselves! That is the best gift you can give that sweet sixteen year old Angel of yours! xo

Mary Christine said...

Happy Birthday to Angel. To watch the reconciliation unfold here is awesome. <3 (that's a heart)

Redhead Gal said...

What a beautiful tribute to your daughter. Thanks for sharing it.