Sunday, July 29, 2007

IT'S HER PARTY AND I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO...


Well my AAngel is now sixteen. We actually had a very good day on her birthday, our dinner with my mon and my aunt was lovely. AAngel had received quite a bit of money for her birthday and we even had time for a little shopping too! It was fun and once again I was reminded of how different she and I really are. I like most of the clothes she wears and buys, she likes very few of the clothes that I suggest to her and I no longer attempt to buy clothes for her. She has self confidence in her appearance, no body image problems and doesn't care so much what other people think about her, I have major issues with body image, am very self-conscience, and even if I won a beauty contest *LOL* I would believe the people who voted against me!


We had decided to invite a few of her friends over on Saturday afternoon. I told AAngel that it wouldn't really be a party, but she could have some friends over for fajitas and birthday cake. I had bought enough food to feed about 8 to 10 people. I had baked a three layer Devil's food cake. We bought two big bottles of pop and I had asked some neighbors to blow up 16 balloons to decorate the yard with....and nobody showed up! Not one person. So I had to comfort AAngel. as she was obviously hurt and disappointed. But then I had to deal with my own feelings around seeing my daughter hurting and doing all of the work and planning and having no one show up or even call to say they wouldn't be coming. Sometimes life just sucks!

Today I am choosing to have a better day. I sat out in the sun in my garden for an hour. I read my meditation books, and I spoke to my sponsor on the phone. I chose to post about my feelings instead of keeping them all to self where they could fester and grow into anger and resentments. I will meet with my sponsor later today and allow her to give me some unconditional loving. I think that at almost 14 months of sobriety I need to be ever vigilant of my disease and how it still wants for me to stay sick instead of continuing to grow and change and stay well. Here is a reading from 24 Hours a Day...

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept from from fear and apprehension. One of these days is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone beyond recall. Do I still worry about yesterday?

Prayer for the day
I pray that I may face every situation without fear. I pray that nothing will prove too hard for me to bear.

...and I also pray for the same for all of you today.

19 comments:

Pam said...

Oh gosh I'm sorry! I know how it feels to "feel" the pain of our children. Bless her heart! I hope she's feeling better about it. Hell...ya'll eat all the food.

Scott said...

b-day for sweet 16, sun, garden, sitting, relaxing, friend and shopping... all in all, a real nice day, I'd say! kool!

Mary Christine said...

Thank God Angel has a sober mom. And your post made me recall that one person showed up for my 16th birthday party. Oh well.

Shadow said...

that's just not nice, but at least she got all your love.

and thanks for that pretty good common sense you wrote. you know what you're doing.

Meg Moran said...

ya know what? that does suck....and she doesn't deserve that. I'm so sorry that happened and I hope she never gets hurt again, but she will cuz thats life and I'm glad you're there lovin her when she does. God Bless you mom....

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

I wish I could comfort you, Patricia. Thinking of it, I think I CAN make you happy. Come over to my blog, and I shall tell you how?

I shall be waiting for you, Patricia.

Scott W said...

Happy Monday, Lushious!

Guilty Secret said...

Aw I was just reading that thinking how wonderful it is that your daughter has such self-confidence, then she got a big dent in it like that. Sooo great that you are being open about your feelings about it though.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am going to link you :)

Syd said...

The idea of having a party and not have anyone show up really got to me. I think that I would feel more than a little resentment at the people who didn't even call. It's hard to stick yourself out there with expectations and have them dashed. I'm glad that Angel has you to love her.

Alcoholic Brain said...

What a beautiful thing to be able to choose to have a better day huh?

Tab said...

Lush gurl you have so much to be grateful for and your honesty keeps us all reminded of our own progress too.I appreciate all you share here about your journey in life and in parenting :)
Tab xo

Christine said...

thank you for your prayer.

Its great to see you doin' one foot in front of the other

Gwen said...

Wow, 16! She was born when I got sober! That is really coolio!

Happy Monday,

G~

Sober Chick said...

I think your recipe for living in the solution is colorful and offers you an array of internal beauty.

Happy 16 BD, it is your celebration too! :)

Inmatez Wife said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! SWEET 16!!!!!!! Now the fun begins Mommy......LOL. My Noel is 16, so I am here with you.

Sober Steve said...

how can you have a daughter so old when you are so young yourself. Please take care of yourself, and thanks again for checking up on me!!!

sharonsjourney said...

Happy belated Birthday, Angel. People sometimes are thotless! Don't take it personal.

sharonsjourney said...

I remember that song on my 16th BD. I got oh so drunk, played the song & cried. Over what I didn't know, I just cried with the song.

lash505 said...

Cry if you want I did. It is sad when they grow up...