Friday, July 06, 2007


Gee, I've been having quite a week! I have hardly posted, I haven't stalked to hardly any one in blogville, and I haven't been to a meeting or called my sponsor...hmmm, I wonder if there is a connection there? LOL After not speaking with AAngel since she left here, I finally called her today. All week I have been hearing her parting words to me in my head, like a record with a nasty scratch on it..."Shut the F*** up, Bitch". Yup, that's what she said! So why didn't I get off my ass and turn the record off, or call someone for a reality check, or get my big butt to a meeting to share about all of the feelings that this last fight has brought up in me? I dunno, I'm still trying to sort that out. I do know that when I called her today, AAngel didn't even bother to apologize. She said I wouldn't have accepted it anyways. And she is partly right. Of all of the hurtful things I have said and done to her, I have not called her a bitch or treated her with the kind of disrespect that I have had to deal with lately.

I get that she's a teenager, but isn't respect something that I deserve? She says that the times are different now (meaning that I am reeeeeaaally old) and that kids just don't respect their parents the way they did in the 'old' days! I guess when I said I would never dream of speaking to my mom the way AAngel speaks to me, it was a mistake. But no matter how angry I ever was with my parents, I still wouldn't dream of being so disrespectful. And of course her words hurt, 'cause after all this is the child that I gave birth to. I've been barfed on, and changed poopy diapers and stayed up with her all night when she was sick. I've held her when she cried 'cause she had a fight with her best friend. I've made crafts for and with her. I have always kissed her good night and told her that I loved her. And WAAAAAH , poor me! OK. I think I'm done venting for now, but I may have to continue later LOL. AAngel did not come for a visit today as I suggested that if she still had a bad attitude I would prefer her not to come! I am off to my meeting tonight, check in with all later!

...Well, I'm back, did ya miss me? Sorry ;bout that, just thought I'd mess with ya a little bit, after all you are still here reading this and I, on the other hand have gone to a meeting, visited with a friend and now am back at home! I hafta admit I do feel much better now that I've had an AA fix. I got lots of hugs (which I really needed), and also some validation for all of the yucky feelings that I have been wallowing in this week. So back to the business of recovery1 Today I am grateful for the following...
  • to still be clean and sober after a kind of rough week
  • to have heard a man speak tonight who has meant so much to me this past year, actually the man who gave me my medallion at my b-day
  • my friend , the Maven, who took me to her place after the meeting, when I said I just wanted to come home and eat chocolate!
  • all of the opportunities I have been given to change ME esp. when I'm dealing with a devilteen!
  • I can be happy for the good things that happen to other people today
  • even though stuff still bothers me, now I have the tools to let things go, instead of letting them fester
  • to have everything I need today and then some
  • for all of the fresh veggies I have eaten this week
  • for chocolate- I still say it's better than sex!!
  • for each and every one of and HUGS to all


sharonsjourney said...

I don't know if I could deal with a teenager, esp. one that disrespectful.

I can't get over how much more positive you wrote when you got back from the meeting, it changed your whole sense of being. Amazing what AA does for us! You know better than to isolate, esp. when you're feeling bad, you just get worse. Don't do that again! That's a strong suggestion hmmm. Glad you are feeling better. Keep posting, & going to meetings, & calling people, & talking with your sponsor, all of that. Or at least some of it all the time.

Sober Chick said...

Funny how going to a meeting can alleviate us from a mini (or even big) funk. Sure there may be more to process but you sound like you are in a better place now. I have no idea what it would be like to be a parent in such a situation. I know there are others that can guide you through this and offer you theor experience. This is one of the greatest gifts of the programs.

All we need to do is just show up :) Don't forget when we show up we are also helping others too.

Pam said...

Life would be so much easier for Angel, if you were the same old YOU. But recovery just changes us. I think we begin to truly VALUE ourselves...and it gets harder and harder for us...when someone tries to de-value us.
You'll get thru this hump in the road darlin'. By staying sober and going to really are teaching Angel to respect you, even if her behavior does not reflect that.

Scott W said...

Meetings are my medicine. If I don't take that medicine I will just be sicker. Glad you made it back to your old schedule. Thanks for helping me stay sober today.

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

I hear you Patricia. You're blessed with lot of friends around whenever you feel down.

You're always in my prayers, my friend.

Inmatez Wife said...

After reading your post, I wonder, have our daughters somehow been talking?? Teenagers suck!! I also, am shocked by their disrespect. It is like we have to earn it, when in my opinion it should be a given. These are hard times for us moms, and thank goodness we have the support of our programs. You will get through this, at least that is what they tell me! Good luck!

Granny said...

I understand the anger; I went through it with my oldest for years and I don't think she ever completely forgave me even though it very little, if anything, to do with drinking. That came later.

It's still no excuse for the disrespect and there is no earthly reason for you to tolerate it.

We're getting a lot of it from the 14 year old these days but for different reasons. I usually stay calm enough to walk out of the room.

Shadow said...

some words of wisdom: your kids will appreciate you the day they have kids of their own....

and i'm happy that you can let things go!!!!

The Maven said...

And thank YOU for stopping by! It was so nice to have you over to the new place. It feels much more like home when friends visit.

I hope your weekend is going well. Let's make sure to call one another this week, ok? I'm getting tired of only talking to you on Friday :P

Christine said...

oh its so hard to get up from that blackness sometimes---but you did
Glad youa re here