I hate meetings, I hate a higher power, I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish death and suffering. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the disease alcoholism, cunning, baffling and powerful. I have killed millions, and I'm pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I'm your friend and lover. I have given comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die didn't you call me? I love to make you hurt. I make you so numb you can neither hurt or cry. You can't feel anything at all. I will give you instant gratification, and all I ask of you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always, when things things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you don't deserve these good things in life. People don't take me seriously. Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help these things would not be possible. I'm such a hated disease , and yet I don't come uninvited. so many have chosen me over reality and peace. More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program, your meetings, your Higher Power-all weaken me and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me, but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. But I am here......And until we meet again, if we ever meet again, I wish you death and suffering. You got me before, but not anymore, so I'll make this rhyme, one day at a time.
I had received this letter in an e-mail and saved it because it really spoke to me. I felt as if I was really hearing alcohol and drugs voicing the words I had only thought of before. When I'm having crappy days, full of self-loathing and feeling discontented, my counsellor tells me it is my inner addict trying to get back into my life. My inner addict does not want me to succeed in life, 'cause then it has no control over me. When I stay clean and sober my disease loses its' foothold. When I go to meetings and share my experience, strength and hope with others, my disease, and your disease grow weaker. So I hope you all remain clean and sober today, all of us together have a stronger army than our disease ever could dream of having.
Today I am very grateful for the following...
- another day of clean and sober living
- to be getting along well with AAngel
- we are going to visit a friend tomorrow, and I will get to play in her garden
- to have everything I need, and some to share too
- that I am beginning to know how to handle situations which used to baffle me
- for all of the love I feel when I visit your bloggy's
- for being able to accept me today- just the way I am
- my two kitties and my budgie bird, who keep me company when AAngel is not here
- that I am able to grow a garden, and share it with others
- YOU and you and YoU too!!!
11 comments:
I heard this analogy in a meeting once, it is so true. The big old trees in the forest have shallo roots, but they have each other's roots to cling to, & in that they stand up to the wind, the bad weather. Having each others roots keeps them alive. Isn't that beautiful.
The first time I read that disease in words, I shuddered, that's what it is saying to us, alright. I'm going to visit your friend now. Have a good rest of the day.
I'm glad that the disease is held at bay today for you. It is something that I have a hard time imagining and am glad that I never experienced. Instead, I got the fall out but am working through that.
Just went over with a word of encouragement for your friend.
well done, lush
hey gurl.. I will go see her
also I have read this before and it to me, is totally the truth. I appreciate it (((HUGS)))
that is some e-mail. thanks for posting it!
hey sweetie pie...I have not read that in a while...thanks for posting it. It's a GOOD reminder. Now get out there and pull some weeds!
oh man, strong letter... I am grateful that this disease is currently understaffed in me today, and in you as well!
awesome, LG
AA is not for those who need it, it is for those who WANT it.
What a lovely thing to list all the things you are grateful for - thanks for inspiration! :)
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