Friday, January 19, 2007


I have a tough time feeding myself properly. I've always had problems with food, everything from anorexia to bulimia and everything in between. Lately though, I've been living on junk. Barbeque ruffles are a typical dinner for me and breakfast has generally been anything I can cram in my mouth while I'm making a coffee! Funny how I've taught my child all about nutrition to the point where she loves vegetables ( brussel sprouts, asparagus and broccoli are some of her favorites!), and I being the older, wiser mommy am eating cookies for breakfast. Being Lushgurl, I feel the need to deflect the blame from the person who is actually at fault and place it squarely on anothers' shoulders. So let's see... the winner of today's game of "Take the Blame" is... the media!

Yeah, that's the ticket! Everywhere we are surrounded by 'utimate' beauty, of course most of these people have been air brushed and tweaked to the point where I'm sure the end result bears little resemblance to the original person. But still look around...billboards, magazines, television commercials, and let's not forget the endless string of beautiful people we see at all the award shows (which by the way ALL seem to air right after Christmas when I've put on weight from eating treats!!) I know that celebreties have an abundance of resources to help them achieve their perfect bodies what with personal trainers, botox and other cosmetic surgeries. They have the money to buy the best clothes and make-up not to mention their 'people' who dress them and do their hair and...I know that often the images that are portrayed have taken hours to acheive, but just for ONE DAY I'd like to feel like they look!

It seems so unfair that I, being one of the truly "beautiful" people cannot leave the house without 'my face' on. I DO believe that beauty comes from the inside out but reality , in it's irony, makes those who meet us see the outsides first. I seem to do much better in the summer time, the cloths are a little more revealing so I try harder to stay fit. The warm weather ensures that I will be outside more often and of course I am more active, gardening, bike riding and going for long walks everyday. I guess I am looking for yet another quick fix... I used to be able to drop 10 pounds in three or four days, I used to be able to scarf down a whole pizza and not gain any weight. Ah but age and years of abusing my body through starvation and laxatives, have ensured that I will always struggle with my body image.

I start every new day with the best of intentions. I make a decision to eat better foods and MOVE my body around, but lately it's been really hard. I think I'm eating my feelings ( since I don't have booze or drugs anymore), I just haven't yet figured out what feelings I am trying to hide from. My goal for today is to be conscious of what I am putting in my mouth, not just the mindless eating that I usually do while watching t.v. . I will of course eat better foods as Devilteen will be here for the weekend so I have to be a good example and besides I enjoy cooking for (and with) her. We always sit down at the dining room table and talk and eat and you know, catch up on stuff. I get up early on the weekends too so that I can prepare a good breakfast for us, she even loves oatmeal (grits for you Americans) I'm talking the kind of oatmeal that you cook, not the packaged kind with all the extra sugar in it. I just don't understand why I cannot be more motivated to treat myself to good, nutritious food when I am not being a mommy!

Today started out somewhat better than most. A good friend dropped by with breakfast to feed me and a baby to cheer me up, I guess the rest of the day is up to me. MAN , sometimes I really dislike being responsible !!! But I AM WORTH IT!!! Once again it seems I have used you , my faithful readers, as my free therapy session. Strangely though I actually do feel better now. I can still here the chocolate chip cookies calling out to me, but I have the strength to ignore them until After my dinner! I haven't yet decided what that will be, but it will be colourful, nutritious and delicious and shared with my favorite Devilteen. Peace out for now!


The Maven said...

There will only be one Lushgurl and I think she's beautiful!

You may not ever look like a celebrity, but you probably won't ever have the divorce rate of one, either. Superficially they tend to look perfect, but there's a LOT of pressure. I'm rather thankful I don't have a billion people expecting nothing but hotness from me.

Intelligence, wit and amazing parenting? Sure. But not hotness. What little hotness I have is just enough. Any more and I'd be perfect, which just isn't fair to the rest of the population.

Steven Novak said...

I don't respect a woman who can't have a cookie for breakfast now and then. :)


Jobthingy said...

i have had a starbucks chocolate chip cookie more then once for breakfast.

sometimes it is just what a girl needs. dont beat yourself up about it. just try and make an effort to avoid the bag of chips and hit the bag of carrots and dip instead :)

regardless of what you eat for breakfast or dinner tho, i still think your are beautiful