I do remember being younger though, and sleep was like ever so sweet. As a teen myself I would love to sleep until noon, and that was before I started drinking! When I was in my twenties I worked the three to eleven shift for years so I was never an early riser then either. I freely admit to not being a morning person although one of the best summers I had was working at an outdoor market. We had to be there at six a.m. and worked until six p.m. Granted they were long hours, but I really enjoyed being awake and out in the fresh air, I even had the energy to have a social life too! I have been getting better in my older years though, I usually get up between eight and eight thirty, considering I am not working and don't have to get the child up for school, I figure I'm doing pretty good.
So here we are on a Sunday afternoon and my day will include trying to get Devilteen to do all the homework that she brought with her this weekend! This really sucks because she had pinky swore to me that she would get about 75% of it done by Saturday and then we could hang out and play scrabble or do anything else fun for the remainder of her visit. So as usual I have to BE THE MOM and make sure that the homework gets done, after all that is part of my job isn't it? Oh I know I could just let it go and hope that the child does the right thing. Maybe I will try that. My problem is that I get frustrated watching her do nothing and knowing how bad she will feel about herself if another Monday appears out of nowhere and no assignments have been completed. I am working on letting go of the guilt, Devilteen's homework is NOT my responsibility...didn't we just HAVE this conversation???
I made a decision to keep myself busy this afternoon. I offered to help Devilteen with her assignments, but was clear that I would not do it for her. I kind of feel bad for her though because I know that she has a hard time staying focused and gets easily distracted, oh and frustrated quickly too. I can kind af relate to that, there are times when my concentration leaves much to be desired, but these days I blame it on menopause. I blame the forgetfulness on menopause too. At least I am not as easily irritated or as quick to anger as I was not that long ago, otherwise there might have been Devilteen guts on the floor today!
This morning we had called a friend to invite her over. Well she was busy so we left the invitation open for the afternoon. I would have loved the visit I was baking so I had treats to offer, I had been reading my 'Big Book', so I was feeling quite relaxed, but when the phone call came Devilteen's eyes got just a little too shiny! I know she had been working on her homework, but I also knew that a distraction at that point would have been the end of the studies for the day. Well, the nerve of ME! When Devilteen realized that I was revoking the invite, she lost it!! I did feel bad but I am working so hard at setting boundaries with my child that I felt I couldn't back down. Limits are good and consequences teach us to be more responsible. As I was being assaulted with quite the colourful expletives, I managed to keep my cool. When the bedroom door upstairs slammed shut I went into the kitchen to do dishes. When I heard the yelling that she wanted to leave I ignored it. Then I went upstairs and had a long hot shower!
I can see that Devilteen is really trying to control her anger ,she does not get as out of control as she used to. For my part I am doing my best to not (over)react to the insults and door slamming and general disgust for my very existence. I am not taking it personally today. I know in my heart that allowing Devilteen to manipulate me into letting her get her way is not doing her any favours in the long run. The bottom line is that life just sucks sometimes and all of us occasionally must do stuff that we'd rather not do. Who in their right mind actually enjoys doing dishes or cleaning the cat box! But we do these things anyway 'cause it feels good to be responsible, and we generally feel better after the dreaded task is completed, right?
Amazingly enough I don't even feel guilty right now. After my shower Devilteen came upstairs to ask for my help. I simply told her that I was busy taking a half hour to myself and I would be there when I was finished, the attitude came out a little when she asked " and when would THAT be?". I calmly replied that I didn't appreciate the attitude and that I might feel more motivated to help her if she was not insulting or yelling at me. I also said I would not tolerate the abuse, especially when it was not warranted. When I got downstairs she was working again. I helped her finish her research by giving suggestions on how to find stuff, I cut out some picture for her display and I helped with the layout of her project. I think that she did an excellent job and the best part is that no mothers or children were harmed in the completion of the project!!
I don't know about Devilteen, but I feel the weekend ended on a good note over all. Of course I didn't have a chance to call my friend back yet, but I did get a chance to finish my Blog that I started this morning. The house is fairly tidy, my headache has subsided to a dull thud and I still have my self respect intact because I didn't cave to the pressures of an angry teenager. I don't expect a Nobel Peace Prize and I probably won't even get a " thanks for the help Mom". But that too is o.k. today. I think Devilteen will get a really good mark on her project and I'm hoping she will fell the pride of a job well done, Maybe it will even motivate her to try harder next time! Who knows?
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