Sunday, April 22, 2007


I apologize in advance for the beginning of this post, but I just gotta get a few things off my chest! Yesterday ended up sucking!!! First off, as I shared in yesterdays early post, my day started out by having to breathe in the smoke of a neighbors' joint. OK so I got past it, I went in the house and blog-stalked some, then I posted, so I felt ok. Angel was supposed to come yesterday for only one day, she had "ditched" me, her loving momma, on Friday to chill wit da gurls. Fine, I can allow that... but then she called yesterday to ask if it was ok to not come again, *sniff, sniff*, pass the tissue please! I said it was OK , I missed her, but her and da gurls were sun-tanning, it was such a beautiful day and all... Well I resisted the urge to lay a big ol' sloppy guilt trip on her, I didn't want her to come and do nothing here with me, but then I got off the phone and bawled like a big baby! Crying 1

I grabbed my meditation books and read them, then I called my former sponsor, who I had unceremoniously replaced in the winter time! She was busy moving, but took the time to talk to me. I told her that I really missed her, and wanted her back and we are going to be working on our fourth step together. Then I made another call to someone I was in treatment with, he should be getting his 1 year soon, no one was home, so I bawled again!!!

A gurl friend (Maven) dropped by with a bicycle pump for me, so to get out of my own misery, I went to pump up my tires. When I was in the basement I decided to bring out my chairs and the rest of my garden buddies (fairies, turtles, bunnies, frog and some lanterns). Puttering in my garden always seems to improve my mood. And it worked for a while, I was outside for over an hour weeding, placing all of my garden prizes. I had a big bottle of water, and just sat out looking at all of my stuff that is starting to grow. It was really peaceful. Then I watered and just before I was done "druggy neighbor" came out with another joint. I said, you know when you smoke in your backyard, I can smell it inside my house. She looked at me as if I had sprouted two heads,
then she turned away...HOW RUDE... Loser

This was very unnerving to me. I was polite, I didn't yell or pass judgement, I just pointed out that HER stuff was affecting ME, and she didn't care! So I got on my bike and went for a ride. On my travels, I came across two cops, normally I would avoid these guys, but I was feeling kinda helpless, frustrated, and I thought maybe they could help. I told them that I was in recovery and coming up to my first year. I explained how I had several neighbors who smoked dope outside like it was the most natural thing in the world, and how the smell really triggered me, and how it wafted into my house, and how I had to stay indoors and shut the windows because of this. Their advice? MOVE!!! WTF??? As if I would have to move...I have been here for five years, longer than all of my neighbors...why do I have to move? I continued on my ride and looked forward to getting home to watch my Blue Jays play. They lost...DOH *slaps forehead*...

I had picked up some popcorn at the store and didn't even feel like eating it, so I had a rolo ice cream, nothing like eating my feelings after a tough day LOL ! There is just something about that rolo ice cream, it is sweet and not too chocolatey, it has yummy caramel inside, and it is dipped in chocolate too! Heaven on earth, dare I say better than sex ? Yes... 'cause it's been so long I don't even think I remember !!! I did some more blog-stalking and went to bed about 1:00.

Today has been a somewhat better day. I just really felt the need to vent! I coulda gone to a meeting last night but was too busy "having a day". I know, this is not good for me, and trust me, now that I have my 'blue mustang with the top down' pumped up and ready to go, I'll be travelling to a LOT more meetings. That is what got me through last summer and I am confident that it will work again. I don't have to want to go every time, but I do have to go more. I am really hoping to celebrate my one year in June, so I gotta take care of me, right? Thumbs Up OK enough bitching for today, actually that little bitch fest should tide me over for quite a while! Thanks for listening!

Here is the reading from today's Daily Reflections...


Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know. Roots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves.

As Bill Sees It pg.173

So there you have it, planting, light bulb moments and my need to self destruct, all in one nice neat little package!!! Have a great day folks...


Pam said...

Hey girl. I've had the same couple of days as you :(
It's 5:15 Sunday evening...and I am starting the day over. It's kinda late for that....but it's the only way to salvage anything.
So I'll ask God to keep me clean and sober for the remainder of the day.....and try to get out of my crazy head!!!!

vicariousrising said...

You should move???!!!???!!!

Um. Sorry. Little indignant here and you should be, uh, zenning or something. I apologize for being completely unhelpful. Would it disturb your serenity a ton if I put the hurt on your neighbors? Just checking.

Luv ya!

SoberSteve said...

Do you need someone to bitch slap the police. Sorry about your day. Pam is right. salvage what you can. Its never too late to start the day over with.

Hugs and kisses

TherapyDoc said...

Don't you hate the tests? It's not fair but life isn't, right? What idiot police people, seriously, they should have busted your neighbors. Tell me it's not too late for that. I guess if you're patient enough, they'll hit bottom.

We have a saying in my culture, King David says it actually in a psalm, In the evening I lie in my tears, but in the morning. . .there's joy.

So hopefully, tomorrow will be joyful. Heck, you've got the icecream part down.

Scott W said...

We assume people are smart and loving. That isn't always the case. Most people are too preoccupied with their own shit to care about others. I try to remember that when I get into that place where I think people will judge me. Anyway, ever thought about getting some stink bombs and setting them off when you smell that hooch smoke? Or one of thise big ass outdoor fans.

Anyway, I do know that Manic Monday song by the Bangles and am singing it now. But I do not wish it were Sunday.

Syd said...

Hang in there and do get to meetings. If you've got sandpaper on your soul it is only going to rub you raw. I don't know what to say about the neighbor thing other than you may have to resort to another try at a face to face discussion and ask the neighbor if they would mind smoking inside and not out where you can smell it. If that doesn't work, then call the police and ask them to do a drug raid. The neighbor may be scared s*itless when the SWAT team shows up.

recoveryroad said...

You may hate me for this the joint thing...

live and let live.

Let her do her thing. If you obsess or get upset by it...too much stuff living rent free in your head.

I used to be like that when I went to (business) meetings or got on the subway or a bus and someone who smelled of booze sat next to.