Monday, April 09, 2007


let's go bluejays, let's go!
Custom Smiley
In honour of "MY Blue jays" I will do my summer blog writings in blue! I just love baseball season! As if the green stuff starting to grow was not enough to get me in a great mood, the beginning of baseball season is like the whipped cream and cherry on top of the sundae! My poor daughter was neglected not only by my drug and alcohol use, now she'll hafta learn to talk to me in a whole new way. No my Angel, as I see it, that is three strikes for you...YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!... FOUL (ball)...I really believe in dreams coming true, and my dream is to see my boys win a World Series at the (formally known as) Sky Dome.

In '92 I was still living in Barrie where Angel was born. I was in the program, it was a wonderful year, my baby and I went to meetings almost everyday. And when my boys won the World Series I was clean and sober, and cried like a baby myself! '93 was also a good year for me, we had just moved back to my home in Ottawa, I was still in the program, still clean and sober. I was once again close to my mom and sister and my cousins, who I missed so much when living in T.O. and Barrie. And of course, my Boys won the Series again!

Not too long after moving back to Ottawa, I started to smoke dope again, although I didn't drink. I had started seeing a guy who (I believe) was an alcoholic, and he smoked a lot, so I did with him! We were together for about a year and a half. It was the beginning of another slide into Hell for me. It seemed that whenever I was in a relationship with someone, I would lose myself. I became whoever it was that they wanted me to be. I would compromise my own morals and beliefs for the sake of the other person- to make them happy. I would get to the point where I no longer knew what I wanted, what was important to me. Today I don't regret the relationships that I had been in that were so unhealthy for me. I can look back and see how I learned from the experience. It has taken me a long time and a lot of therapy to get this far!

I am at the point in my life I think, where although I do miss having that special someone in my life, I am truly starting to enjoy my own company! I can do what I want, when I want to. I can come and go as I please. I can go out with gurl friends and flirt with guy friends, I can stay in my pj's all day if I want to! I never really thought I was even capable of being happy All By Self! I didn't know that it was something that was even allowed. At almost forty six years young, I am no longer looking outside of me for someone or something to make my life complete...I am complete! I no longer look without, for something or someone to make me happy...I am happy! I no longer wish that I had learned these lessons earlier in life, I am able to be grateful today, that I know all this stuff. And grateful to be able to continue learning as I go. And grateful for the Boys of summer in their HOTT baseball uniforms...and another win too!

I guess that's it for now, a relatively short and sweet post, just like the author!! See you all later!


Mary Christine said...

It was a sweet post. I am glad you are a baseball fan. I am a football fan myself, and it gives me great joy.

dAAve said...

Baseball. Ho.Ho.Ho.
Maybe I will soon write a post about my baseball life. I rarely mention it online.
GO 'Stros!!

Syd said...

Getting to comfortable with yourself and liking yourself is an awesome thing. Keep on feeling that way and digging baseball.

SoberSteve said...

"I can stay in my pj's all day" Its the simple things in life like that, I would never do or allow anybody else around me to do because what would others think about it. So at noon I'm still sitting in my boxers sipping coffee and not worrying about what others might be thinking.

So Miss short and sweet so go lounge around and be happy with who you are today. For me i will have to get dressed, not quite there yet for a whole day of pj's.
Thanks for being you today.

hugs and Kisses

Anonymous said...

I'm in my p.j's right now at 11:45 on a Tuesday -- how great is that?
I love to hear women grow to the point where they are comfortable without a relationship -- thanks for sharing that for the others who are struggling out there.
Boyz of summer --haven't lived in Chicago since 1988 but I will ALWAYS be a Cubbie fan. Nothing like Wrigley field on a warm summer day.

sharonsjourney said...

Hi Lush, I haven't had a chance to do those directions yet, or even read your post. I did read your comment, thanks. I will get around to doing that soon, when I'm not so busy, I will call you too. Thanks for your ph. no. I'm looking forward to talking to you. I met with my new sponsor last nite. I need to call the other one, try to meet with her (it's hard to pin her down) & tell her why I've gotten a new sponsor. I'm waiting to do that, cuz I'm still angry, & hurt. I will work on the links soon. Thanks again & good luck with your baseball team. I'm into my Mariners.

Love, Sharon

Anonymous said...

Wow... it's so very pink here

I had an eventful week. Busy Busy Busy.
It looks like you had an eventful week in a different (possibly more dramatic) way?

great post. memories. baseball!

Nael C. Robes said...

I remember when I reached that point in my sobriety and I loved it. Of course, that's when God sent a significant other into my life and I resisted the whole way. I loved my little apartment and my independence and I hated that he might compromise that! My sponsor helped me a lot with NOT compromising for him.

Granny said...

So far in the comments, we have the Blue Jays, the Astros, the Mariners, and the Cubs.

And now the Giants (who are a disaster this year).

Enjoy the season. I know I will.

lash505 said...

yeeha the boys of summer are back. My friend just got cut from the padres.

sharonsjourney said...

Are you talking about me in relationships??? Could I ever relate! I think that's called codendency. I was as sick from that as I was from my alcoholism, maybe even sicker. It caused me to go back out, only on pills this time. I'm still learning to be happy with my own company, but I know somebody out there is not going to 'make me happy'.

Sounds like you're doing all the right stuff. It's a hard road back, isn't it? But well worth it. There's something to be said about being single. I can talk to anybody I want now, & yea, flirt too.

I would like to be in a loving, healthy relationship before I get much older, but I have to get myself healthy, & loving myself.

Thanks for sharing, I don't feel so stupid now for losing mysellf in relationships, & I will not do it again.

Love you, Sharon

p.s. I'm going to do my links here pretty soon. I'll call you this week end, hope that's ok.

Scott W said...

What we have today is as good as it gets. Lucky us.

Christine said...

being happy inside and with self is awesome, you are blessed

Sober Chick said...

How flippin adorable are you! You know, I am giving so much hope by this program. This hope, it is not only for myself but for people that I love. You expose yourself, the real you, and how wonderful to learn you accepting you, the real you.

It is why I keep fighting, cuz of those experiences shared by brave souls such as urself!

Inmatez Wife said...

Hey!! Realizing we are complete within ourselves is a step so many people do not take. So many people look to be completed by others, when in reality, that does not happen. As far as baseball--eh--i will wait for my football!! GO EAGLES!!!

Shannon said...

that is awesome.. I know for me for a long time, I didnt know how to be along... after a long time of living alone, I loved my solitude and learned to love and appreciate myself. this is awesome. I am excited for you that baseball is here :)