As Bill Sees It pg. 252
When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life- my friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain.
It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.
Yesterday I went to see my counsellor, actually, she is one of two counsellors that I see. They both work for Rideauwood, #1 I have known for about nine or ten years, #2 I met in my ten day treatment program last summer. I think that at the beginning of the process, there must have been side bets to see if I actually would be able to complete the ten days...By the end of the process, I was told by many who worked there, and by my treatments friends, that I had so much to offer, and that I should consider going back to assist the facilitators in future programs. Ironically when I had gone back to college, it was to become a Child and Youth Worker. Of course for me, I was so not ready to treat others' because I still had so much work to do with me. I dropped out of college, relapsed shortly thereafter, and stopped all recovery in my life.
(When) I get two years of sobriety, I will be able to work at Rideauwood as an aid, then who knows. For me it seems that maybe I can be whoever I want to be, and do anything I set my mind to. With the grace of God, the fellowship of AA and all of the people who support me in my recovery today, the sky is the limit!
Today I am grateful/thankful for the following..
- I am clean and sober today
- even though there were some rough spots on the weekend "I intuitively knew how to handle situations which used to baffle me"
- we didn't get the thunder storm that was predicted last night
- I was able to share the new growth in my garden with all my favorite peeps
- my Blue Jays trounced the Red Sox last night-go Jays!
- Trampcat always loves to cuddle with me, and she purrs when I just 'talk' to her
- Toughboy goes out every night to 'tom' but comes home to mommy every morning
- I spoke to someone who works at the outdoor market yesterday, and he's going to talk to my former boss to get me hired this year
- I watch Ellen Degeneres every morning and I still laugh without being stoned or drunk
- my lovely and safe home
- all of my wonderful cyber-friends...yes this means YOU
- my Higher Power loved me when I couldn't love myself
I hope everyone has the best day EVER, I think I'll have one myself! Love and HUGS to all today...
12 comments:
Unhealthy relationships certainly can mess up my head. It sounds as if you have a good plan to get back to doing what you were trained to do. I think that is a great goal. I can read that you would have a lot to offer.
Yea baby! The sky's the limit!
hey! 'i was actually not that powerful in this world'. that's brilliant, thank you, i mean to remember that! good piece of advise that!
Hi U,
I realize I do not have a recovery date listed and would like to hear more about our personal story. If you have the time, could u email me? Right now I am clinging on to those that have relapsed and made it back.
Thank u o bunch.
Learning to love ourseves...it's a journey. I'm treating myself, & others better today. I won a free massage, I'm actually going to do it, my self cioncsiousness would have stopped me before, but, not today, I'm going to relax & enjoy it. I love your rock garden, I have one too. I'm so happy to hear you're going back & working with the facillitators, I know you will be a positive addition, I agree with syd, I can read it. Sounds like you'll be doing what you were meant to do.
Love you, Sharon
Or my computer is fooling you. I only have one new one. I deleted the one before it, cuz the people I wrote about said they were going to sue me for slander, even tho I didn't mention any names, & what I wrote is true. The truth hurts, sometimes. Anyway, I thot, if it bothers them that much, I will just delete it, no big deal. Some people! I love AA, & I was playing the role of AA police, & that is not my place, except, what do you do about 13 steppers, if you can't warn the women, or men, whoever it may be. So, I didn't delete of fear of being sued, they can't do that, I didn't have names, they must know they're guilty, & getting paranoid. So be it.
I am grateful for you!
I am often watching television and reading blogs at the same time. Right now, I'm watching baseball and surfing blogs. I am not able to either pause your video or mute the sound. So I can't take the time to read your blog. Sorry.
what a trip thats what I needed to hear today..gracias..
I'm taking time off doing some blog-stalking. Take care my friend. I shall be back on Friday.
There is no limit for you. Keep going girl
Hugs
I'm still grateful for the ability to laugh without being stoned or drunk...I think of that often, and laughed when I saw it on your gratitude list also :)
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