GIVING WITHOUT STRINGS

Here is today's Daily Reflection...
And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demands for a return.
As Bill Sees It pg 69

The concept of giving without strings was hard to understand when I first came into the program. I was suspicious when others wanted to help me. I thought, "What do they want in return?" But I soon learned the joy of helping another alcoholic and I understood why they were there for me in the beginning. My attitude changed and I wanted to help others. Sometimes I became anxious, as I wanted them to know the joys of sobriety, that life can be beautiful. When my life is full of a loving God of my understanding and I give that love to my fellow alcoholic, I feel a special richness that is hard to explain.

Ah yes, the more I read these writings and the more meetings I go to, I am even more aware of where I belong. To me, there were always strings attached to everything, no matter who the person was or what the giving was. Sadly, I gave my very soul to be accepted, only to find that I was not. I gave my body for drugs, only to wake up feeling remorseful and used. New in the program, I still had that feeling that people wanted something from me in exchange for this sobriety thing. No one, in my opinion, would give away the happiness that they had worked so hard for, without getting something back from me! I didn't trust their words. I grew close to no one. But slowly, by continuing to go to meetings, and sharing a little here and there, I came to believe in a Power greater than myself. And this God, of my understanding, just wanted me to be happy. The people in the meetings said "We can only keep what we have, by giving it away!".

Today, I do my best to share my experience, strength and hope with others. I see now that when I speak at a meeting, secretary, pick up chairs or even make coffee, I am showing others that it feels good to give back. I am grateful for this new life that I have and I want for others to have the experience of freedom that this program has given me. One of the ways I can do this today is to shake hands at the door, be a greeter, welcome people to my meetings whether it is their hundredth or their very first meeting. When I leave a comment on your blog, I am sharing how the program works for me. I never know if my words might be the very words that you need to hear today. Just as when you leave a comment for me, it could have been your words that helped to bring me out of the funk that I was in.

Last night I received a call from Angels' group home that apparently she had come home drunk. As a mom this devastated me. I had read in several posts last night about the pain of watching our children drink and use, struggling to find their own way. I cried in frustration and fear for my daughter. I don't want her to have to follow my path in an attempt to feel good about herself. But all I can do is to continue living clean and sober today. My new life and happiness, the freedom from addictions, my hope for the future, are all things I can freely give my daughter. Of course unconditional love and a soft place to fall are also things I can give her with no expectations. All of the things that all of you have given me, I now have to pass alomg to another who suffers. Life is good today!

Today I am grateful/thankful for the following...

• for being clean and sober today

all of the people who welcomed me to the program

the ability to love unconditionally

the acceptance I feel in the rooms, and here in 'blog land'

for a friend sharing a part of her with me last night- trusting me

I am willing to give without strings today

the digital camera that takes the pics of my garden

my depression is lighter today- it too passed

the sunshine

coffee

I can love Angel until she loves herself- and then some

for a new chance at life

I have everything I need today, and then some

ALL of YOU