Ironically. todays' Daily Reflections reading is entitled "A resting place"...
All of AA's Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires...they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few steps are harder to take than Step Five. But scarecly any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this one.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg.55
After writing down my character defects, I was unwilling to talk about them, and decided it was time to stop carrying this burden alone. I needed to confess those defects to someone else. I had read-and been told- I could not stay sober unless I did. Step Five provided me with a feeling of belonging, with humility and serenity when I practiced it in my daily living. It was important to admit my defects of character in the order presented in Step Five: "to God, to ourselves, and to another human being." Admitting to God first paved the way for admission to myself and to another person. As the taking of the Step is described, a feeling of being at one with God and my fellow man brought me to a resting place where I could prepare myself for the remaining Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety.
I am not afraid to admit my defects of character today. What a relief to be able to let go of those things that hold me back from being a better person. Early in the program I was willing to do a Step Four and Five, but not able to be entirely honest, I wonder if this in any way contributed to the relapses that were to follow on my travels through the program, LOL. Today I am able to look deep within myself to examine what my own motives are in given situations. I never used to think that I had an agenda for anything, I was living in a victim role, life just 'happened to me'. I found that for me, taking responsibility for my own actions, and the consequences or benifits that followed was freeing. Knowing that I am not alone in the world or in my recovery have increased my faith, and therefore my strength in making changes and better decisions.
Today I am grateful/thankful for the following...
- my dope smoking neighbors have not been invading my space
- every new day is making more flowers bloom in my garden
- I spoke to an old (young) friend on the phone today, and we are hoping to work together at the outdoor market again
- that I know God loves me even when I have doubts about my self-love
- If I continue to do the next right thing, my life will continue to get better
- I am able to not obsess so much about whether or not Angel will come home to live
- I feel good today, my prayers are being answered
- I have everything I need and then some
- All of my sober friends who share their E. S and H with me, that means YOU!
- I haven't told any lies so I don't need a good memory!
- today I am not afraid to look you in the eye...Hey there, how YOU doin' ?
Later my friends!
11 comments:
"the next right thing"...I did that this morning, got the kids out the door for school, pulled up your blog, no daily reflection yet went to get my book, and alis I feel asleep. I needed it.
The pics of our flowers is telling me to get outside and enjoy nature
Thanks
Steve
I am not afraid to look you in the eye too, to tell you that I'm doing alright and blog-stalking.
Love your grateful lists.
I struggled a bit with parts of the fourth step, too. It didn't lead to relapse (yet), but I think it robs me of serenity sometimes. But, that's the beauty of this program. You can do the steps over and over until you get them right.
Blessings to you, Lush, as you remember your father. (Sorry I missed that post.)
As for looking people in the eye? I am still not too good at it, really. I am extremely shy besides being shameful -- not a good combo.
Thanks for another good post.
Peace,
Scout
I used to be a victim too---now I know my blaming everyone else and not taking responsibility is volunteering to be a victim. it was easier at the time but now that I know better, geez--no more pointing the finger.
"I haven't told any lies so I don't need a good memory!"
hey hey I like that one. good observation.
btw - where exactly were you on the night in question? hmmm???
Thanks for a great post. When I don't look someone in the eyes, it's usually because I'm uncomfortable. There's some kind of resentment or dislike on my part there. I don't like what I see so I don't look into those "windows of the soul". Being able to look dispassionately and with forgiveness of the other person and myself is what I want to be able to do in time.
I'm so glad those neighbors aren't causing you trouble still. Hope they stay out of your way or they'll have ME looking them in the eye. Grrrrr.
Love ya chica!
Pretty, Pretty.
I'm sorry to hear about your father and I'm thinking of you. You are so sweet and resiliant and full of life! Thanks!
isn't springtime just the best??
girl, you sound just awesome!! yay! and thakns for sharing your "awesome-ness" with us!
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