Saturday, May 26, 2007

HERE COMES THE SUN ...

I wanted to post yesterday, because I thought I had a lot to say. But first I had the idea to download a picture to go with my post. I had a picture in mind, so all I had to do was find a suitable image and download it... simple, right? Well this is me we're talking about, and it seems that I had made plans and then told my HP what they were... As you may have noticed, there was no posting from Lushgurl yesterday! It all goes along with the theme of acceptance, I think. Try as I did, I could not find and download a picture of a winding road, not meant to be I guess! And on the theme of acceptance... even though it hurt like hell, I had begun to accept that Angel was not coming home. I had talked about it at length, here, there and everywhere (hey, I just noticed, there also seems to be another theme going on here, can you see it?). Anyway, having been able to let go of my child, I felt I was able to move on. Of course Angel is the child of (two) alcoholics, and faced with the possibility of having someone else make choices for her, decided to choose for herself! It seems that she has decided to come home YAY! But wait, there's more...


I am now faced with another fear, what if I am not able to be a good mom again? In talking to our Children's Aid Worker, Angel had asked about this very thing. The decision was made to allow her to come back home, but with a six month supervision order. So if our lives begin to unravel, she can still go back into care. Yippee, I think knowing that we have a back door, an escape hatch if you will, has eased some of the fears for both of us, We will not be condemned to stay together forever if things go terribly wrong! We can work it out... It seems that good old HP is telling Angel to "Get back to where you once belonged" ! On that note, here is today's Daily Reflection's reading...

Our spiritual and emotional growth in AA does not depend so deeply upon our success as it does upon our failures and setbacks. If you will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs instead of kicking you down.

As Bill Sees It pg. 184

In keeping with the pain and adversity which our founders encountered and overcame in establishing AA, Bill W. sent us a clear message: a relapse can provide a positive experience toward abstinence and a lifetime of recovery. A relapse brings truth to what we hear repeatedly in the meetings- "Don't take that first drink!" It reinforces the belief in the progressive nature of the disease, and it drives home the need for, and beauty of humility in our spiritual program. Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven.

Today I am very thankful for the following...

  • I can learn from my mistakes
  • we all are human after all
  • a good friend in the program has offered to pick up my medallion
  • someone else is baking me a cake
  • for me acceptance is the key
  • the reminder that this is a simple program if I don't complicate it
  • all we need is faith and fellowship and love- la la la la la- all you need is love....
  • today I can choose to think positively
  • for each and every one of my fellow bloggers- yes, that means YOU

Well, today I am off to go shopping with two teenagers- wish me luck!! Love you guys (just in case I don't survive said excursion!)

Shopping Spree Girls Rule

17 comments:

vicariousrising said...

Have fun shopping! You are doing great, my dear. You've had a tough go of things, but you are handling it well, using the tools that you have been learning. Keep it up!

Smile! Hugs to you! You deserve them.

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

"Good" and "bad" feelings

"A lot happens in one day, both negative and positive. If we do not take time to appreciate both, perhaps we will miss something that will help us grow."
IP No. 8, Just for Today

Scott W said...

Oh, have fun with those kids!

Zane-nawwaa said...

I love to see a living story in motion. Happy family to you and Angel.

Syd said...

I think that all will work out with Angel. You are a good mother and Angel knows that.

Kari Sullivan said...

Being still so new to recovery, I don't know what to say. I'm glad that you and Angel have a chance at a new beginning. I can relate to both of you because I was estranged from my mom for a while, and I'm also an alcoholic (no kids, thank God).

Personally, when I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary (in the form of my sponsor) comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, "Let it be." (Hey, that's catchy. I'll have to write that down!)

Peace out!
Kari

P.S. It's good to know that even after major screwups, there is hope for new beginnings. Thanks for that hope!

Mary Christine said...

Why is a friend picking up your medallion? Where will you be?

lushgurl said...

Silly me, I meant, my friend is picking it up, as in buying it!!!
I will get it at my b-day, just me, 'cause I think I've earned it LOL

Pam said...

that sounds like an excellent plan for YOU and Angel.
Just keep doing what you're doing...it is working for you!

Granny said...

If the supervision works as it should, you should have a support system.

lash505 said...

I love that song. photo ah yes I know that feeling.. Have fun with the kids.

Meg Moran said...

changes, changes, changes.....it's always a surprise what comes next when we do this recovery thing! I just love the way you keep doin the deal!!!

Nael C. Robes said...

Yeah! Angel is coming home! You will definitely be able to do this. Talk to HP and tell him/her you need a sponsor who has been through this parenting stuff so you got a 911 to reach out to. You're in my prayers.

Scott W said...

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=winding+road&gbv=2

Christine said...

shopping, how fun! teens teach me so much about me

Gwen said...

Creeping up on that year! You will be a great mom again as long as you stay sober! Keep working those steps and love your baby. The rest will be taken care of by God~ Trust~

Gwen

Shadow said...

hey! happy shopping, and thanks for the wishes... YES, acceptance does help.