Monday, June 04, 2007

LEARNING TO LIVE AND LET GO

I saw this quote at Capucine's place, in the comments box, it touched a chord within me...

"I believe in the sun when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I feel it not. I believe in God even when he is silent. " ~written on the wall of a concentration camp

One of the very best parts of recovery for me is the ability to have faith, no matter what happens around me. To feel love for others, and to know I too am loved, even when I feel angry or hurt or confused. The ability to see all of the miracles in my life, and to allow them to stay...I am feeling just so...mushy? I had such a great weekend! Yeah, I know, it started out kind of rough, but I also know there was a reason for that. Saturday, I had time to reflect on my life and Angels' life. I had the opportunity to talk to other women, who, had Angel been here, I may not have spoken to. I had a chance to just be me, to love me, even though I was not feeling very lovable. On Sunday, I had the opportunity to meet with my 'new sponsor'. What an amazing little woman! She wanted to hear all about me, how I got to where I am today. She wanted to hear about my relapses, my childhood, my relationships...all of it.

We went for a walk along the Ottawa River. It was a beautiful, hot day, and we sat under a big tree in the shade and talked for hours. She asked me to read Step One aloud, and we talked about what it meant to us. She helped me to see things that I couldn't see for myself. She shared about her recovery, and parts of her life that brought her to where she is. She didn't judge me or take issue with any thing I said. She just listened and asked questions and shared the parts of her life that were relevant. I felt so free and loved, and so very grateful that I finally found the courage to ask her to be my 'new sponsor'. After we were finished she gave me a big hug and thanked ME! She told me that she felt like we had a good fit, and looked forward to working with me. What a wonderful gift to receive for my 1st AA birthday. I loved how she would make suggestions to me like " I don't want to tell you to call me everyday..." and of course I heard myself commit to do just that! WOW, me, getting better today...

Here is todays Daily Reflection, care to read it aloud with me?...

LETTING GO OF OUR OLD SELVES
Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free (wo)man at last... Are we now ready to let God remove from us all of the things which we have admitted are objectionable?
Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 75, 76

The Sixth Step is the last "preparation" Step. Although I have made no formal request of my Higher Power in the first Six Steps. I have identified my problem, came to believe that there is a solution, and have "cleaned house". I now ask: "Am I willing to live a life of sobriety, of change, to let go of my old self?" I must determine if I am truly ready to change. I review what I have done and become willing for God to remove all of my defects of character; for in the next Step, I will say to my creator I am willing and will ask for help. If I have been thorough in the preparation of my foundation and feel that I am willing to change, I am then ready to continue with the next Step. "If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing" (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 76)

Today I am grateful for the following...
  • I am clean and sober and willing to remain so
  • my 'new sponsor' will kick my ass if she feels I need it
  • Angel and I spoke at length last night- I think she is beginning to heal
  • for all of the calm times after the storms
  • to have everything I need and then some
  • for all of the blessings I can see today
  • for all of YOU


3D Prom QueenThis is me- Happy, Joyous, and Free, anyone care to dance?

14 comments:

Shadow said...

hey! don't i know it. you know what's wrong, you know what you need to do, but until you WANT to do it it's no good. thanks for the reminder!

Sober Steve said...

Sorry I missed it the party and cake. congrads gurl on one year. Thanks for calling me out. you and my sponsor almost said the same thing.

Go enjoy this day since that is all we have is todAAy.

peace
hugs and kisses
Steve

recoveryroad said...

Personally speaking, I think it's a huge lump of an ice hockey player who has moved in next door. Lol.

:-)

Have a great day.

Pam said...

ooo yes...i love that quote too. Hope you are enjoying your first week of your second year of sobriety. ;)

Tab said...

Here's to you AND Angel healing :)
Nice share,Thank you Lush..

Scott said...

sorry, I am a few days late and a dollar or two short but happy 1 yr sober anyhow! Congrats, way to go, yay HP! Big hugs and much love to ya!!

Mary Christine said...

Glad you found a new sponsor and she seems to be wonderful!

Syd said...

Your new sponsor sounds like a great person. It is so nice to connect with someone who is there to help guide and listen. I'm always grateful for my sponsor.

Christine said...

dancin' and crying

How wonderful tohave someone who will listen without judgements, hug you and love you

how very blessed you are to have her

dancin' I'm dancin' with ya

Scott W said...

It's truly a gift to find a sponsor that fits like a glove. Thanks for sharing today and helping me to stay sober.

Zane-nawwaa said...

Hey Lushgirl, I am so glad you have entered the start of your second year of sobriety.Keep coming back. I think you have your priorities in order. Bless you and Angel.

Anonymous said...

Agreed with Scott W. Finding a sponsor who fits so well can make all the difference in the world, Lush! Awesome for you.
Peace,
Scout

Meg Moran said...

amazing how the little miracles happen just the way they are supposed to....wish I was there to hug you too.

Trudging said...

Good sponsors are worth their weight in gold.