Tuesday, June 26, 2007

NOT MUCH NEW



Here are a couple more garden pics, the first is a new delphiniu ms and the second, my garden angel surrounded by ground cover, wait until you see it bloom, the ground cover I mean...
...And if you can believe this, I have not much to say today! So I will share todays Daily Reflection reading with you...

For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colourful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good.
Alcoholics Anonymous pg.151

The longer I chased these elusive feelings with alcohol, the more out of reach they were. However, by applying this passage to my sobriety, I found that it described the magnificent new life made available to me by the AA program. "It" truly does "get better" one day at a time. The warmth, the love and the joy so simply expressed in those words grow in breath and depth each time I read it. Sobriety is a gift that grows with time.

So, reading the first part of the above, it didn't take me long to see that I was never normal in my drinking days! Today, I call those who can drink 'normally' earthlings (see Lushisms!). Sometimes I was 'convivial' when drinking, but mostly I drank alone for a number of reasons-
1) I never knew when I would blackout, making a fool of myself
2) I didn't want to have to share my booze with anyone
3) I often drank just to pass out, not a very social thing to do
4) I obsessed too much about the sad state of running out of booze, making me very cranky!
5) my life sucked, so why would I even consider being around others

Yup, it's true, I was not usually a very sociable person in my drinking days, and yes I lived under the illusion that maybe, if I drank enough, my pathetic life would take on new meaning. It just never seemed to happen though, and when I realized that all of my days were eerily resembling the one before, and the one before that etc., I decided to try AA once again. This, at last, has brought me to a place of peace. Not all of my days feel great, but even my worst day today is better than my best day drinking, cliche, I know, but true none the less! Here are just some of the things I am grateful for today...
  • to be clean and sober once again

  • to have days where I actually want to be around people

  • I had enough laundry soap left to finish my washing

  • to have everything I need, and then some

  • to have summer clothes that fit me- it's going to be about 100 farenheit today!

  • I actually invested in a fan this year!

  • for the two appoinments I have today, which will get me out of the house

  • for the friends I can visit today without leaving my house- that means YOU!

I'll be busy today, but I promise I'll be by to stalk to y'all soon....

7 comments:

Granny said...

This is oversimplifying but to put my life before AA into one sentence, I drank to be "normal"; to fit in.

It didn't work. Now I'm happy with my "march to a different drummer" self.

dAAve said...

It's OK if you wanna stalk me, but I'd prefer that you get out of the house and visit the real world.
LOL

Sober Chick said...

Oh ya drinking at home in isolation is where I ended up to . . . not fun!

Beautiful garden pics. They are fortunate to be under your loving care today!

Scott W said...

Great list, hon.

Christine said...

pretty garden gurl

I'm happy you found your way back to the rooms

Mary Christine said...

I am so glad you are sober.

sharonsjourney said...

Hi gurl, Your garden is so pretty, thanks for sharing it with us.

Drinking did all that for me in the beginning, the commaraderie, the conviviality, I had that, but it didn't last. Alcohol turned around on me & bit me in the ass. I wound up homeless & alone, in isolation. I was so miserable in the end.

I'm so glad you are back, & stalking. I love that we're getting to know each other. I've grown to love you gurl.

Hey! Read my blog about the Sister Bea Retreat. That lady is dynomite! Good message.

Yea, I prefer you get out of the house more, it's not so bad out there. Remember, we have tools now, to help us cope. It's kinda interesting out there in the real world.

Love You, Sharon