I had a using dream last night. I haven't had one for many years, since the last time I attempted this recovery thing. I think it is because tomorrow is officially my one year clean and sober. So in this dream, I actually have no memory of the using part- big surprise there! But I was with my new sponsor, in a school or something, and I felt VERY stoned. The thing is, because I had no memory of using, I denied that I was stoned. I definately did not like how it felt, it was like I was bordering on a major anxiety attack, so out of control... I didn't like the fact that I had to lie to cover it up either. When I woke up, I still felt at odds with me, guilty almost. So I went to take some more pictures of my garden. The first one I named "It's a jungle out here" and the second "My garden Angel". The first represents how I felt when I first woke up, and the second is a reminder to me, of how this program can be full of miracles, when we choose to see them.
Here is today's Daily Reflection, and maybe it is another message from my Higher Power on this eve of my one year...
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 84
When I was drinking, my attitude was totally selfish, totally self-centered; my pleasure and my comfort came first. Now that I am sober, self-seeking has started to slip away. My whole attitude toward life and people is changing. For me, the first "A" in our name stands for attitude. My attitude is changed by the second "A" in our name, which stands for action. By working the Steps, attending meetings, and carrying the message, I can be restored to sanity. Action is the magic word! With a positive, helpful attitude and regular AA action, I can stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety. My attitude now is that I am willing to go to any lengths to stay sober!
Today I am extremely grateful for the following...
- my attitude and outlook has begun to change
- to be chairing my home group for the month of June- my way of carrying the message
- to choose the speakers for June- I have decided to hear some women speak- Five of 'em!
- the jungle in my back yard does not represent my crowded mind!
- I can fill my days with activity instead of fear
- if I have everything I need, and then some, I can share with others
- today I have everything I need and then some!
- me, clean and sober for one year = a miracle in my world
- now that Angel has decided to come home, I have the opportunity to be the mom that she needs and deserves
- all of the comments (support) to my bloggy and my recovery- I never could have done this without you
- today I cry tears of gratitude, not remorse
- each and every one of YOU- I so love you guys!!!
13 comments:
thank God for the miracles of recovery
Yipppeeee and Happy 1 year birthday!!!
Keep being good to yourself.
love you Lushgurl
I haven't had one of those dreams in some time but I can still remember how frightened I was when I first woke up.
Mine were a little different. I dreamed I was drinking and getting away with it.
I finally told someone (naturally I thought I was unique) and was relieved to discover those dreams are quite common.
Enjoy your celebration!!
Using dreams are actually a gift to me -- they are gratitude slaps. Once I wake up and figure out it was all a dream....all is better than good!
I would concur that it may be due to your year tomorrow. Our minds do weird stuff around anniversaries I hear tell.
Your clock says 364 days 13 hours and 51 minutes sober. How frickin' cool is that?????????
I'll be back to morrow to see the 365!
Rock on girl.
Peace,
Scout
You are so blessed it was a dream. But they can be scarry and leave one with a heavy feeling. Your G list is ROCKIN MOMMA.
Very philosophical with the photography and technology
OMG, how could I leave without saying HAPPY ONE YEAR WOMAN YOU ARE FANTASTIC
Durn that clock. Not time yet. Didn't I write something about patience not being my thing?
I loves ya, chica. Happy birthday eve. I'll be back to give you more hugs on the real day!
yes you are a miracle.
Happy one year, my friend. Have a great weekend.
Youre the big dog one year is soooo huge.. congrads cal moma.
It is the 2nd so I can wish you hAAppy birthdAAy
Have a wonderful celebration. And I hope your month in the chair goes well.
:-)
x
I had a drinking dream recently -- hadn't had one in about two years. They become fewer and farther between as the years go on, I think. Congrats on the year!!!!!
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